A Decade of Life

I thought about doing a top 10 list for the year of 2009, but honestly-the year wasn't that notable to me, in fact w/ the exception of Ainslee's birth it wouldn't hurt my feelings to clear this one off the board:). So I've come up w/ my highlights of the past decade-so many amazing life experiences:

10) Turned 21, at the time I felt it was the epitomy of becoming an adult. After all, if you can legally drink, it must mean you can deal with the consequences afterwards:). Physically and mentally that is.

9) Got married, I don't refer to Jason often on many things in the public sector, aka the internet, my blog, or facebook. We have spent the past 13 years of our life together, and the strides we've taken from then til now are countless. I often think of the song "Remember When" by Alan Jackson, cliche I know but honestly the line where it says "we came together, fell apart, and broke each other's hearts" was a good way to sum up the past couple years since he's went into business for himself. It's been hard, physically and mentally-throw in 3 kids, and two adults in school and it's a recipe for near disaster. We literally almost separated right before Laura was born, the stress of our new house project-Jason's absence, and poor decisions regarding work, drinking, and work all came to a head. In many ways I think people mirror their parents in relationships-because it's all they know. The Bonnie in me resented him for poor decisions, and wanted to prove I could do it w/ out him-which I now know I could, but didn't want to. He taught me perserverance, and self confidence at least that's the positive light I can take away from that time in my life. We went to marriage counseling, and it was there I learned that even the best marriages could benefit from counseling. We came back to square one, respect was restored for both of us, and a clean slate was started. I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to be living my life with anyone else, we come from very different places-but it's those differences that balance each other. I believe he is the love of my life, but the support he's given me this past year has been immeasurable-he is my best friend, and nobody understands me the way he does. It's an amazing feeling to know I have the rest of my life to entrust to him.

8) Worked in the most amazing environment possible. My job at Ripon turned out to be the most amazing opportunity ever for me. It afforded me an opportunity to use my skills, and continually grow. I'm indebted to Ron Haefner, without the financial support I would not have completed my associates degree. Personal and skill growth were not the only perks to that position, but I had the opportunity to work with 3 other wonderful people. One of which I can easily call one of my best friends. People asked why I left since I enjoyed it so much, I needed a change. All good things come to an end, and at that end hopefully there's another great opportunity waiting for you.

7) Alex was born. Alex was not planned, he was more of a pleasant surprise due to number 1:). Words cannot describe the birth of your first child, it is the most life altering experience known to man and woman I think. When I hear of couples pregnant with their first child, I just smile and tell them that they are about to experience one of the greatest days in their life on the day of that child's birthday. Alex brought Jason and I into a reality that life is not lived for ourselves, it's in the joys that bring a simple smile to a child's face. It's that first smile, first laugh, first tooth, first word, first step. All of those and so many more firsts are indescribeable and unless you are a parent-you will never know that feeling.

6) Mag graced us w/ her presence. I don't need to elaborate on this, as I have in the past. I still cry sometimes thinking about the circumstances of when Mag left us. A smile crosses my face on a sunny day though, knowing she'd love to embrace that warmth. Or when we're in the vehicle and Laura will randomly say "there's Maggie, jumping in the clouds".

5) The house project. This 10 month project was noteably one of the hardest times in our lives. Long hours of work, long hours of entertaining children, lots of incomplacently-which I hate, financial uncertainties, and a shaky marriage. We're lucky to have gotten out of this one alive, but 2 years later when the dust has settled we're left with a beautiful home that holds amazing memories of families before us, and many more of our own to create.

4) Laura was born. Much of what I stated in 5 is the same here, but I have to add that the best part about having more than one child is not comparing how much they look alike, but accenting how different each child is from one another. The similarities are what make them brother and sisters, the differences are what make them individuals. They will always have one another to rely on, but it's their individualism that will take them far in life. My mom always told us that she loves each of equally, but differently-that is how I feel about my children as well.

3) Completed my associates degree. I started this process shortly after Alex was born. I worked fulltime up until last Feb, and attended classes online, at night, or on weekends. Often times I took the accelerated format of classes, and progressed. Two more children, and 3 years later I will finally see my degree. My in laws sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers the day after I completed my final course, w/ a card stating "congrats on all your accomplishments". It was probably the nicest gesture anyone has done for me-they realized how hard I worked, and practiced the juggling of working, kids, and school. My own family doesn't have a clue what I've accomplished, which is a little disheartening; but I'm proud of the fact that I juggled it all and managed a 3.95+ gpa. I'd love to keep going, but we can't swing it financially, and now is the time for Jason to focus on his school and hopefully go at it hard; I don't want anymore irons in the fire than necessary so now is a time to sit back and relax for a while.

2) Ainslee was born. Ainslee's pregnancy and birth were an amazing experience for Jason and I. It was the first time throughout our kids that we were on the same page. She is our last, so it was wonderful to have such amazing memories of those last 9 months and birth as a couple. She's a good baby just as the other two were, and I cannot wait to see her emerging personality to see where she rounds out our multi-facade family.

1) I turned 30. It seems like such a milestone in somebodies life when you see it on paper, but the realization is that between 21 and 30-you grow so much physically, spiritually and mentally. It's these life experiences that age you, and help you learn how to deal with the hard things in life. This past year has been one of those "hard things", and had I not experienced any of these things in life-I might have went off the deep end.

I'm so excited to see what the next decade will have in store for me, what other life experiences will shape me. While not everything is good-you need to embrace the hard things as well cause it's usually those things that make you grow into a better person.

Life is Good

It's been a month of transition for us-me moving back into the working world, the girls to daycare, and Alex to a new school. And while the position is just part-time, it's the perfect schedule, and break in the day for everyone. I enjoy my job, the environment is really great-very relaxed, laid back, I can tell the employer values it's employees, and I feel like I'm a great fit for them, as they are for me.



Alex's transition to a different school as by far been the easiest, he absolutely loves his new school and all it entails. He goes in around 10, plays for a bit, eats lunch and then heads to class. Afterwards he goes to the afterschool program, and is picked up at 5-and not a minute sooner because he loves the activities they do there. His teacher says he's adjusting well academically, and I'm looking forward to meeting with her. A few weeks back he had yet another "incident" which resulted in more stitches, but for once they weren't on his face:). He got his finger pinched in the door on the hinge side at school, they had to stitch his finger tip back in place, and he lost his entire nail bed. He is recovering well, the doctor said she is amazed at how quickly his finger recovered from such a traumatic experience-thankfully he has as well. That poor kid has had more stitches in 4 years, than I have had in a lifetime!



Laura is adjusting too, to my surprise she had a hard time with separation anxiety. I am just getting to the point of being able to leave her without her shedding tears, and asking "you come back and get me mommy?" with big tears in her eyes. But she too enjoys going to her "very own" orange school in "pond du lac". The teachers are all amazing where she goes, they are constantly doing activities academic and play in nature, and the meals are provided by an elderly woman who goes to church where the daycare is located. The kids eat better than we do! Her terrible twos are still in swing, we're just waiting for this phase to pass and enjoying the spontanaity it brings.



"Baby Ainslee" as she is referred to in our household is growing and morphing every day. She has adjusted to daycare as well, the girls there are wonderful with her and I know she is well cared for. One thing to be said about daycare centers vs. in home is how unbelievably organized they are-everything is documented, and there isn't much that I don't know what either of the girls did throughout the day. She had her 2 month checkup after we returned from Colorado and weighed in at 12 lbs, and 23 inches long.

Aside from the kids, Jason and I have been on a monetary mission. While I've heard a lot of talk about Dave Ramsey as of lately, I decided to get a book and see what all the hype was about. After reading the Total Money Makeover, I realized none of it was anything we didn't know-the book was solely to provide motivation for people like us. We don't have tons of debt, it's just hard to go month to month on a self-employed contractor and part time salary. We needed to get a handle on the small things that were holding us back, like our credit card. We've liquidated a lot of things laying around the house, which has helped us from month to month just to lighten our load. Our goal is to have our mortgage as our sole debt within the next 8 months.

And I thought this day would never come, but 4 years and 3 kids later-I am finally going to be receiving my associates degree. Along the way some people have made the comment "just an associates" but to someone who juggled kids, work, and school for the past 4 years-it's not "just" anything. It's a huge accomplishment, and not only did I complete it-but I completed it with a 3.94+ gpa. I hope I can go back for my bachelors some day, but right now we can't financially swing it, it's time for Jason to focus on his education-and for me to enjoy one less thing to juggle for a bit.

Alright, that's all for now. . . Til next time.

Where I'm Going

It's been a while since I updated, and my life has been busy as usual. We enjoyed a trip out to Colorado to visit my sister and her family, while Jason and my brother-in-law went hunting. Alex was actually out there a whole week before we went which was weird-it was my first time away from him for any extended period of time. While I missed him, I took advantage of the couple extra minutes in my day and started job hunting.

Jason and I agreed before I even started hunting that I wasn't going to waste my time applying for positions I wasn't serious about-it wastes my time and energy of stressing about the what-ifs. I applied for a pt customer service/it position within a Minnesota based company that has just built a new logistics center in Fond du Lac. McNeilus Steel manufacturers and supplies raw steel. My job will be a jack of all trades, some office duties, customer service, and they liked my resume cause they felt the i.t. background would be useful since the center is connected to the corporate office-and they'd like a liason when technology issues arise.

When I first started at the college I was basically just doing office work, and 8 years later my duties, titles, and responsiblities changed immensely. It was an amazing opportunity-just as I feel this position is. I'll be working 11-4, Monday through Friday which works out perfectly. We can get out the door in time to get Alex off to school, and be back home to enjoy some family time. It will help us out tremendously in the finances which is a large part of why I decided to go back-in this economy, I figure if I can swim rather than sink, why not do it? Time away from family is minimal in this position, and will probably be positive for the dynamics since it will give me a mental break from childrearing and remind myself that I am something other than a "mom":).

Due to my job, Alex will be transferring to the 4k program within our school district, and he's really excited about going to the "orange school". Last week he met the director of the before/after school daycare program, and also toured his classroom so he's comfortable when he goes in on Monday. I'm nervous cause I feel like he's going to grow up so much now-going to and from class w/ minimal help, recess, and hot lunch. I guess that's life, but it's scary! He also enjoyed his first vacation without us, he got to "go on a big plane with Grandma Bonnie, all the way to Colorado!". It's something he'll never forget, and he very much enjoyed the limelight for that week w/ out us.

Laura and Ainslee will be going to daycare in Fond du Lac, so I've been building Laura up to the thought that she's going to school as well-since she already wants too go along with Alex. I think she will do alright after the first couple days, she has more separation anxiety than Alex ever had-but it's pretty manageable, especially if crayon, paint, or markers are part of the distraction. She endured the 15 hour drive out to Colorado really well, it was just a matter of catching up on lost sleep when we got out there-and fighting off a cold. She probably at about 30 apples while we were out there, hence the photo. She got to ride in the big airplane with Grandma Bonnie on the way back-Miss Personality wanted to go home w/ the guy sitting next to her:). She's also in a pretty strong terrible two stage, or rather she is just very different than Alex ever was. She doesn't listen, ruins things on a daily basis without a second thought, is starting to fight nap and bedtime, and she just dances to her own tune. I think that's what makes me laugh about the bad situations, right behind one of her negative actions comes Alex-I think he's more upset about the things she does than I am half the time!

Ainslee's growing and developing like a weed, a few nights this past week she slept for 8-7 hour stretches so I think she's on her way to sleeping through the night. She's smiling up a storm, and starting to show more and more of her personality every day. The kids love entertaining her, and now it's even more rewarding when she smiles back at them. I will miss her most when I go back to work, she doesn't talk back yet:).

As hard as it will be, I remind myself that the financial aspect will be worth the time away-less stressful nights and days for me, equals happier me and kids. I've always believed that certain things happen for a reason, at the right time-and that is what I think this job is for me as well. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I'll let you know when I get there;).

Does anything ever really make sense?

This past year has been one of turmoil, downs, and ups. . . . Unfortunately more downs than up, it makes me think I should consider writing a country western song. The year started out with an opportunity for me to pursue a new career, one which afforded me more time w/ my kids so I decided to take it-but unfortunately things didn't turn out the way I had planned. All was not lost with that particular episode though because it has given me the opportunity to spend an entire summer with my children, and allows me to do all the running of errands to chasing after Alex's school schedule, and pursue my final two classes for my associate's degree.

Then there's my oldest sister who is in her early 40's went in for her routine cardiac cath and came out a heart attack and 3 stents later. That was another few weeks of watchful waiting and stress. . . I'm happy to report she is doing very well, it's just a matter of waiting to see what the next couple years bring for her.

Early in the summer I lost Mag, and while it was for all the right reasons it was probably one of my hardest blows. I still cry thinking about her in my quiet times, and I cry replaying the weeks leading up to putting her down, and the kids initial reaction; specifically Alex when I informed him that Mag would be going to heaven soon, his reply "but that means she'll die". It's one of those moments where you wonder, why does life have to be so hard?

Luckily we had a few months of quiet, and then the wonderful arrival of Ainslee-it was the one thing I knew I could look forward to the entire summer and hope to have a break in the dramatic twists my life seems to take.

Two days after bringing her home my mom informed me and my sister's that she was moving out of the house, and pursuing a legal separation or possible divorce from my dad after 40+ years of marriage. While their relationship was anything but great, and we could all understand how they could get to that point-it's a hard pill to swallow, especially coming off what was supposed to be a great time in my household w/ the addition of a new baby. For about 2 weeks my mom stayed at various houses meanwhile pursuing the proper steps to separate, when she got to the financial part of the separation the "shit hit the fan". My dad finally hit rock bottom, realized this was the real deal and finally agreed to go to counseling for himself, as well as marriage counseling. I'm happy to report my mom has moved back home, and things seem to be going very well. They wasted so much time hating each other for simple misunderstandings, and need to work past some resentment issues so hopefully with the help of professionals they can do that. If not, at least we'll all have the peace of mind that they did everything in their power to make it work.

For those of you that may not know, one of my older sister's has an addiction to pain killers; she also relies heavily on anti-depressant and anxiety meds to get her through the day. If you've ever watched the t.v. show Intervention-her life mirrors many of those people. Shortly after I had Laura she hit rock bottom and got herself some help, unfortunately it seems she relapsing. I've decided to distance myself from this situation-she is the only one that can help herself, and my plate is full enough with my own immediate family that I don't think this warrants my attention. While it might seem selfish, I've spent a better part of 2 years dealing and helping her directly only watch it all fall back to a relapse, so I'm officially giving up on that right now.

Finally, Granny Ruth (Ains' middle name sake) was admitted to the hospital last week, they weren't quite sure what was wrong but they felt that there was possibly a trauma to her urethra due to the catheter getting moved. A few days went by and her bleeding continued which lead them to believe they were dealing with something bigger like cancer, luckily the bleeding has subsided so they are sticking with their first diagnosis; however, they did agree that Grandma is steadily declining and feel that hospice should probably be called in. There's no telling how long she could be with us-hours, days, or years (knowing her:). I struggle with this more because I know how pissed she'd be if she knew it came to this-88 years old and has to rely on everyone to do everything for her, and she can't even see or talk. I ask myself and God, why? What is the point of keeping somebody on Earth like that?

I have found myself asking this question for a better part of the year, it's been a hard one to swallow for me. I am not a fan of drama, so you can imagine that this year has been the one from hell. Most days I woke up and wondered where the bottom was going to drop out today? I am a strong believer in everything happening for a reason, I really struggled with this the past year. I know this is sort of a downer post, but I felt I owed it to some people to let them know if I've come off frazzled, seem distant, or have had a hard time focusing-one of these few things might have been the reason why.

While I give up trying to piece all things together, some of it makes sense. Things I do know are that I am so blessed to have my family, my health, and a head on my shoulders that tends to keep things clear.

Latest and Greatest

We've settled into a routine around the Wuest household, and while it's consistent-it is busy. I thought becoming a sahm would make my life a little easier, and it might once I'm done with school-but right now my head spins with what day of the week it is, whether I have my homework done for the week, whose watching the kids Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday; and then there's Friday which is basically my only day to slowly approach the day and just stay home! The end is finally in sight, and I'm all slated to get my diploma come December-I'm just wrapping up my last two courses. Some people think I'm crazy to jump into classes after having a baby; however, one of the courses is only offered in the fall semester-and I figured since I'm at home I'd take the final course and just get it over with.

Alex started 4 year old preschool 2 weeks ago, and let's just say that things have been a little trying between the two of us. He seems to have hit his terrible twos at the ripe age of 4 because most days are filled with talking back, tantrums, and constant aggravation of his younger sister. Some people say it's the addition of the baby, but honestly I think it's the realization that Ainslee is not his problem-it's Laura, who is becoming more and more independent (most times, moreso than him) and his competition for attention. I hope the next few months bring a passing of some sort of phase. He is however amazing with Ainslee, he loves talking and touching her and she enjoys his company.

Laura is growing up before our very eyes, I didn't realize how big she really was getting until Ainslee came along. She expresses herself through art, she loves to paint, color, and write. She also expresses herself through screaming, spitting, and throwing herself on the floor for a good ol' tantrum. How blessed I am to have two children going through terrible two's together:), can you sense my sarcasm. She is very good with Ainslee, she's become much more careful in a short time-and she enjoys looking and talking to her when Alex isn't doing so. I try my hardest not to treat her as the typical middle child, and now that her personality is in full force it's very apparent that each of your children are different-yet you love them the same. She is going to be one independent girl, which is a great quality-especially for a woman in this day and age; regardless of her looks, I did give her something!

Speaking of personalities, our latest addition is fitting right in. She's starting to make herself known in the household with being awake for longer periods of time, holding eye contact, and making noise every once in a while. The nurses called her strong willed within hours of being born, that she is-and she's also a little sassy already. She's still blessing us with long stretches of sleep in the night, and yes-we know we're spoiled. There is nothing like the smell of a new baby, and just the quiet moments of cuddling up on the couch with this little being giving herself all to you, I truly am cherishing as many moments like this as we can get.

So while the craziness can get a little overwhelming, I try to remind myself that life won't be this crazy forever. People think I'm nuts when I tell them the age of my children-I remind them it will only be really hard for a few year, you know, til they're all moved out of the house:) Til then, I'll enjoy every moment of the mahem!

Introducing Miss Ainslee Ruth

The wait was finally over on August 22nd, as Ainslee Ruth joined us just before 5 p.m. She weighed in at 8 lbs 4 oz, and 20" long. I had had contractions for a few days leading up to it, even went into the hospital on Thursday night only to be sent home because she was still pretty "high up there". Little did they know she wouldn't come down til the last minute. We came home, and I got an exceptionally good night of sleep on Friday night-when I woke I told Jason I hadn't slept that good in a long time, and his response was "maybe that means something". Sure enough by 10 a.m. my contractions were 5 minutes apart for about an hour, so I called in to see when the midwife wanted me to come in. Given how quickly Laura came, she thought we should head in-the 3rd time around you're much calmer, and almost paranoid that you're afraid it's a false alarm, but in the same sense you don't want to have the baby in the car on the way there, lol. So we headed in around 12:30, the midwife broke my water around 2, and I had her 3 hours later. Labor was much harder this time around than with Laura, it was an extra hour of natural labor so by the time I had to push I was exhausted. Nontheless, I pushed so well that the midwife didn't even have time to put her gown on. Aside from her shoulders getting stuck for a bit, she came out without a hitch.

Since she came out so quickly, her heart rate and breathing were quick in an effort to work off the fluid in her lungs that didn't get squeezed out. They kept her in the nursery for the night, so I went in and held her for a good few hours and then headed to bed. The next morning they wheeled her in bright and early, and she stayed-and got held lots and lots the entire day:).

We've been home about a week and half, and it's amazing how quickly reality sets in with the 3rd baby and you don't even really get that "honeymoon" phase. Jason took a week off, so it helped with the kids transition; even moreso Alex started school this week so they've adjusted relatively quickly since we pretty much had to jump back into "life". Alex is almost too good w/ her, talks to her a lot and is in her face and kissing and touching her all the time. Laura is getting there as well, at first she was a little physical and didn't know how to be careful-but she's improved a lot in the past week. They both really don't show a whole lot of jealousy, and if they do-it's in the form of being naughty towards Jason and I, so we can handle that:)

I've been blessed with another good sleeper so far (knock on wood), she already only wakes twice-and technically since her second waking is at 5:45 it really isn't nighttime anymore. She's a content baby, and I love holding and enjoying her every second I can-especially knowing she's my last. So far she has dark hair, and I'm guessing she'll have blue eyes to match her siblings. And with my luck all that dark hair will fall out and come back in blond just like Laura's, I laughed as a friend of mine told me "you have cookie cutter babies, they all come out looking the same", to which I responded- "I have Wuest babies". My mom is holding out hope this baby has dark hair probably cause she feels sorry for me, but I'm not holding out hope-Ainslee is who she is, and looks like herself just as my other kids do.

Here is an album with some photos: http://picasaweb.google.com/dobiluvr/Ainslee#.

The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

One of Tom Petty's greatest comes to mind right about now as I'm approaching the last 3 weeks (or less) of my pregnancy. I've started going weekly, and had my first physical exam this past week. The results: I'm dilated to 1, cervix is soft, and baby's station is still up there (as if it moved away from her when she checked me). She said it could be anytime now given my cervix, she also estimated the baby to be 7-7.5 lbs, while I don't hold her to it-she was right on w/ Laura so I know she has a pretty educated guess:).

I'm also happy to report that the headaches I had about 3 weeks ago have subsided as I began seeing a chiropractor. So besides some lower back pain and the usual late pg complaints-things are going pretty well.

Summer is wrapping up quickly, and I have to say that I'm quite surprised how quickly it went considering I was home all summer. I really enjoyed spending the days with the kids whether it was taking a trip to find a pool, new park, or just stay at home-it was fun to watch them enjoy themselves. I'm not sure what the next few months is going to bring in with regards to a job-but I do know that I appreciated and enjoyed every moment I had w/ the kids this summer.

Alex will be starting 4k this year which I don't anticipate any problems, since the 3k program he attended last year prepped him really well. While he enjoyed the summer, I think he's looking forward to the start of school as well to some routine, and mental stimulation.

This past weekend was our last weekend up north for the summer cause I didn't want to get too far from home within a month of being due. We finally had the cabin to ourselves, and also took up my mom, and nieces who were home visiting from Colorado. They enjoyed a horse back ride, go carts, Laura enjoyed a pony ride, swimming at the lake, and smores. We all enjoyed our last hurrah, or at least til the baby comes:)

I've come to realize

A few friends shared this via Facebook, so I thought I would complete a few of them according to my life at this moment-and share here.

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...shrinks w/ each pg, and someday I might get that boob job:)

2. I've come to realize that in my job-I work to live, not live to work.

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I prefer to be alone, and have music I love cranked

4. I've come to realize that I need....to remind myself that only so much is in my hands

5. I've come to realize that I have lost..one of my best friends, and it didn't have to be human

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people are dishonest, drama seeking, or gaining something at someone else's expense

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...I'm probably happy

8. I've come to realize that money...is material, it doesn't define a person

9. I've come to realize that certain people...bring out the best in me, and other's bring out the worst

10. I've come to realize that I'll always ...rely on myself

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...some are dramatic, pay little attention to detail, have no sense of commitment, one probably won't ever find herself, and I really wish one of them lived closer. They all love my children as if they were their own, and that's what I focus on.

12. I've come to realize that my mom...is a wonderful person who deserved a better marriage than the one she got

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is usually on vibrate, and many times I won't answer it even though I know it's ringing

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...my body was a pile, and I couldn't believe what an awful night of sleep I got, lol

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep..I iced my back, and relaxed by watching the local news in peace and quiet

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking..I hope I sleep better tonight!

17. I've come to realize that my dad...didn't lead a perfect life, but has spent the last few years making up lost time; see 12

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I'm amazed at the amount of time people waste, and am extremely annoyed with how people use it as a means to keep tabs on me

19. I've come to realize that today...I donated time to a charitable cause

20. I've come to realize that tonight...in a few short weeks we're going to be a family of 5, and wondering how the kids will transition

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is just another day to enjoy with the kids, oh and I'm getting a massage

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...have the best of both worlds-stay at home w/ my kids, but work on my career and earn my own living

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...n/a

24. I've come to realize that life...while hard, is so worth the ride

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...was busy, I'm looking forward to heading up north next weekend for some r&r before the baby

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...anything I like

27. I've come to realize that my friends..some are just as important as family

28. I've come to realize that this year...has been rough, but look forward to the wonder that is yet to come to make it a great year

29. I've come to realize that my ex..I'm thankful that he taught me what a 'nice guy' is

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...stand up for myself when people act inappropriately

31. I've come to realize that I love...watching my children: eat, sleep, breathe, laugh, cry and smile

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...why you have to lose something to realize what you had

33. I've come to realize my past...made me who I am today

34. I've come to realize that parties..it's hard to relive that summer after you graduate high school feeling, but damn it sure would be fun!

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...of losing my parents

36. I've come to realize that my life....is wonderful and I've been so blessed

Happy Birthday Sissy!

Yesterday Laura (or we refer to her as Sissy) turned 2 years old. It is so hard to believe that much time has passed, here is her birthday movie recapping the past year:

Where has the time gone?

Yesterday I had my 32 week check-up and will go in every 2 weeks from here on out. Where has the time gone, in some respects it's dragged a little, but from about 20 weeks on things just seemed to fly.

I am feeling pretty good, measuring right on target and I've only gained 11 lbs so far.

Many people ask if I have any inclination of a boy or a girl, and honestly I don't have a clue. This baby is very active like Alex was, but I'm carrying much like I did w/ Laura. Which is hard to say cause I'm not sure if it's the way I'm carrying, or being more consciencious of weight gain w/ subsequent children. Alex kicked a lot, this baby seems to do more rolling around and lodging itself in uncomfortable positions (for me at least). And it seems like I can feel a lot more this time around, like when the kid is rolling around or bouncing off organs I'm more aware of it-and feel more discomforts.

This baby doesn't get the luxury of it's own room, or a newly decorated nursery-but since it's the 3rd time around I know it doesn't really matter. It will room with us until we determine what our sleeping situation will be. We need to finish the 3rd level (which we have all the materials), and then decide who gets the "luxury suite". The thought of us being on the 3rd and all the children on the 2nd is a little nerve wracking. And Alex isn't quite brave enough to want a room "all the way up there, by himself". Laura would make me nervous up there, she's braver than Alex-so it's hard telling what she might get herself into:). So this baby might get the king/queen treatment once we situate things.

I'm enjoying these last few weeks of being pregnant since it is our last, Jason sealed that deal 2 weeks ago w/ a vasectomy. The wiggles, kicks, and general discomforts are kind of welcoming. But I'm also looking forward to moving onto that next "stage" in life of being done w/ kids, plus I honestly don't think my body could handle another pregnancy.

On a separate note, some of you may have noticed that I decided to make my blog private. While a blog is a place to share happenings and feelings, I never really consider it to be a place for others to "keep tabs" on me in a negative light, or to be used as a conversation piece for certain family members to use only as a catalyst to make it seem as if they know everything that's going on in our lives. It's a poor excuse for a relationship, and that was never my intention so I've decided that I will control who reads what I have to publish on here. And in the past I've often withheld information or feelings because of these people, so I just decided if I can control the situation-why do that to myself?

Many have asked how life is going since Mag is gone, and honestly-it's still extremely hard. Much harder than I anticipated, and I think it's largely due to the fact that I never really got a solid chunk of time to grieve right afterwards. I was running the kids, and other "life" things in general and so it hit me in waves. Especially walking into the house and not having that face there to greet me, not having anyone to lay with on the couch after the kids went to bed, and just the general awareness of her not being around when we're outside, starting the 4-wheeler, etc. Coming home from up north this past weekend was the first trip we had made and it was especially hard, after a long, dramatic weekend I just wanted to come home and relax-but instead I was filled with the dread of coming home to an empty house, or not having to run to my parents to pick her up. I know with time this will get better, so thanks to all of you for your words, and thoughts:).

Spirits Soaring

Mag is up running with the angels tonight, that is running without stumbling, tripping or falling down. It's with a heavy heart I decided it was time to let her go, as her quality of life was starting to wain-and the only reasons to keep her on this earth were for my own selfish ones. I vowed I would never do that to her, and I didn't.

She gave me 2 months longer than I anticipated, so that in itself was a blessing.

Mag was essentially my dog, but she was so much a part of our entire family; and just as equally meaningful to Jason. We had to remind ourselves of all the right reasons we were making our decision, cause when a dog is with you for so long-and goes through so many things with you, it's hard to decide what's right and wrong, and no time is essentially the right time. Alex will tell you "Mag went to heaven today", while he never paid much attention to Mag-he was very good with her, better than any 4 year old I know-he often told her to quit licking her feet, or more motherly terms that I used. Sissy took to Mag, she was around her often-and petting, kisses and singing were very much a part of their relationship.

Jason joked that we'd have to put a sand bag in our bed, cause things just wouldn't be the same with just the two of us in it. Mag's attitude and personality will never be replaced, simple facial expressions and goofy physical responses were just a part of her. She was your typical taboo dog-she owned the place, was allowed on the furniture, slept in our bed, and was overall pushy when she wanted to be petted. But she was such a good dog, she matured into a well behaved dog (most of the time) and an amazing companion. I will miss her most when Jason isn't around, and the kids go to bed-just having her lay next to me. She was my shadow, and it felt good to have her always looking for me-or to be needed.

This photo is one of the best reflections of what goofballs both Rip and Mag were, and it brings back great memories. I will miss her immensely, sleep softly Miss Maggie.

Semi-retired

That was the term my sister used when she found out I quit my job. Yes, I decided that the poor work environment paired with the unfulfillment of the actual duties wasn't worth my commute and time away from the family on the weekends. So I've decided to stay home with the kids fulltime until the baby comes. I'll then go on the job hunt again and see what is out there.

The question of the hour for some of those who found out I quit was "do you regret leaving RC?" Not at all, I wanted to spend more time with my kids, and that's what I'm doing-and I was ready to move onto something different since RC couldn't offer me the best of both worlds. Do I miss the people there, and the great work environment-yes, but the trade off was worth it to me.

In the meantime, RC needs some help with their lease cycle so I eagerly volunteered to help them-it benefits them by helping get computers out, and benefits me by continuing to do 'something' in computers.

In this economy it was something I was very hesistant to do, but I don't think any job that offers such a poor environment is worth the sanity of somebody. The thought of relying on somebody else for my livelihood is a little unnerving, especially considering that person is self-employed. But I situated and managed money as best I could, so hopefully we're set for a few good months-the rest is out of my hands.

Happy Father's Day

It's a little early, but I thought I'd take the liberty of posting about Father's Day just as I did Mother's Day.

My dad grew up in North Fond du Lac, and like many men in the area the railroad became his career. He worked his way up through the ranks to eventually become an engineer, he made good money considering the times-and allowed for my mom to stay home with the kids. Aside from work, trapping also became an occupation/hobby; often times he'd come home from a long trip only to drive out and capture or set traps for hours.

Hunting and fishing have always been a large part of my dad's life, and along with that he liked to have a good time with his alcohol. He has some pretty amazing stories of hunting, wildlife, fishing, and general life experiences; and he is one of the best (second to his father) storytellers I have ever heard.

Dad wasn't around much while I was growing up, he worked-and by the time I came along trapping wasn't quite as rewarding as it once was, but he still would hunt or fish when not working which meant very little time devoted to his family aside from providing financially.

It wasn't until he became a grandfather that dad really settled into more of a family role, and did a little less 'partying' per se. Just about then I was graduating from high school; however, I will always appreciate the card he gave me for graduation thanking me for being such a good kid, and keeping myself out of trouble so my mom didn't have one more thing on her plate to deal with during their gas station ordeal.

A few more years passed and dad eventually retired from the railroad, it was by far one of the best days of his life. Mom, me and my sisters, their significant others, and the grandchlidren made the special trip over to Portage so that we could all be waiting for him at his last railroad crossing before stepping off the train for one last time. It was one of the best days of my life I think just to see the happiness on his face-and to be surrounded by all of his loved one's on such a momentous occasion.

Retirement has been all he has ever imagined it to be-time to hunt and fish whenever he wants, he has a few gardens, a pond and woods he maintains behind our house, and just the ability to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. He drives past our house about 20 times a day in his little escort wagon, filled to the brim w/ a cooler (for veggies) and fishing poles. He drives through our driveway about 5 times going back to the woods for numerous things-and often times he'll pick Alex up to help cut wood, work in the garden, or just go fishing in the pond and Alex absolutely loves it. Random acts of kindness from dad:

• Variety of garden fresh veggies in the fridge at any given time
• He's worked up various areas in the yard w/ his tiller making landscaping much easier on my pregnant body
• He was a tremendous help during our remodel
• I would have been lost without him during Laura's pregnancy, he was literally my other half most of the time
• He'll mow the lawn if he feels it's getting too long
• And trim my bushes-except those bridal wreaths:)

I didn't appreciate my dad until I had kids of my own because that's when he became more prevalant in our lives. If you ever met him you'd be amazed that such a quiet guy could be so good w/ kids. Both my kids and I love him very much, and could never express how much we appreciate who he is and all he's done for us. Happy Father's Day Dad!

Memorial Day memories

We're very fortunate that we were able to purchase and remodel my maternal grandparent's farmhouse, aside from a very big construction undertaking-it was nice to ensure that the house that held so many memories for so many people was going to be 'taken care of'.

I spent a large portion of my childhood at my grandparents house, they were our next door neighbor and Grandma was my designated babysitter-my great aunt Cile will attest to the fact that I was almost always at my grandparent's side. I was always guaranteed Twinkies, candy, cookies, and best of all Mt. Dew. I was one of those kids who became very naughty after a can of Dew (or a combination of all of the above)-so my mom just loved picking me up!

I have fond memories of mowing their lawn, hitting the volleyball off the grainery roof, tennis in the barn yard, playing catch with Grandpa, and swinging on the old Ash tree. Other not so fond memories of being stalked by the million barn swallows in the yard-aside from being aggressive "those birds don't hurt anything" Grandpa would say.

I was the youngest of 14 grandchildren, and my grandma would often say that he treated me special. He'd take me down to Brenner's on his bowling league night, take me to the softball games at Taylor park, and many nights I was forced to watch Lawrence Welk for entertainment. He was a farmer, and then he also became a milk hauler-his milk truck was his pride and joy.

Grandpa became ill when I was about 13 years old, I was too young to understand lung cancer and what it meant. But he eventually came home, and hospice became routine for a few months-and then he quietly passed away one night.

After my grandfather passed away, my dad did much of the yard maintenance (minus the lawnmowing-grandma loved mowing). He managed to trim just about everything in the yard; one of Grandpa's prized possessions were the bridal wreaths in the front of the house-I estimate them to be at least 50 years old because there are childhood photos of my mom w/ them in the background as tiny little spindly shrubs. Dad transformed them into boxy, flat looking things that never flowered; when we bought the place it was one of the things I vowed to try and restore back into the way Grandpa would have wanted them-big, bushy, and just like fountains of white on Memorial Day weekend. There are lots of things like that around the house-grandma's peonies, a clematis we transplanted and saved from construction-and now it's waiting for a permanent home, the flowering crab trees, and even a few of those damn barn swallows are among the many things that are still present yet bring back instant memories from 20 years ago.

When I was younger I had framed a poem called "Family Ties" and given it to my grandparents as a gift. It hung on the east living room wall-exactly where it hangs today. Only I have a photo of me and my grandpa, and his old milking hat draped on the corner of it. The other day Alex was walking around w/ the trimmers and he headed for the bridal wreaths, I told him how important it was to leave them the way I have them otherwise Grandpa White would be mad-he turned and looked at me and said, "oh, that Grandpa who left his hat at our house?", I said yep-that's the guy with a big smile on my face.

Life's Update

It's been a few weeks, so I thought I'd take an opportunity to update my blog.

First, thank you for the thoughts on Mag, I'm happy to report that in this past month she has miraculously "stabilized". It was as if the sheer mention of putting her to sleep made her improve overnight. I'm not naive, I know it's not an answer to my prayers or anything, this will be a continual downward slope, but if stabilizing and regaining some coordination prolong that slide, I'll take it.

I've enjoyed a few week hiatus from school, after a pretty grueling 6 week Ethics class. Now onto oral interp, which should be easy-but again it's a 6 week course so it's a lot packed into a little time. I'm fortunate my weekends are slow at work, and they allow me to work on homework during slow times. After that course, I'm tackling an 11 day career dev course, which should be a piece of cake, I think it's just a capstone course to my associate's degree. I'll then enjoy the entire summer off, and then next fall finish up w/ my last 2 courses. . . It was such a relief registering for my final two courses.

Work is 'going', now that I've been into the swing of things for about 3 months-the excitement has worn off, and the reality of this particular job has set in. And that is that this is strictly just a job to me, it offers little fulfillment or satisfaction-but does offer me more time with my kids, decent pay, and benefits. What I'm struggling with is simply not applying myself to my full potential in the IT field, I'm working in the field-but more as a bystander. Weekends are fairly slow, and the work environment is government based; therefore, very political, ie: lots of bitching and backstabbing. Luckily I'm only here for 24 hours a weekend, so it rolls off my shoulders pretty easy. Plus coming from a liberal academic background, that kind of stuff just didn't really happen in my previous position (I know, I was lucky!). I knew coming into this position I would probably struggle with this aspect, so it comes as no surprise; I'm just not sure how I want to handle it.

Mother's Day

My mom had me when she was in her mid 30's, a pretty normal occurence today-but by the standards of that time, she was probably considered "old". I was the youngest of 4 girls, my next sister is 8 years older than me; yet they attest I was not a surprise. So I like to call myself 'my dad's last ditch effort for a boy'. Luckily for him, my sister Sherry is the next best thing:).

Like most mom's of her time, she stayed at home and raised us girls while my dad made a living as an engineer on the railroad, as well as making a pretty decent living of trapping. I remember our garage would be filled from top to bottom with muskrat, and my mom skinned every single one of them with her bare hands. At the time I laughed at her mink coat-little did I know it was such a prized possession; nor did I realize how hard she worked for it!

As my older sisters moved out of the house, mom decided to get a part-time job as a van driver for the county, she went to rural areas and transported elderly. Or as I referred to it at the time the 'tart-cart', yes I realize how politically incorrect that is now. My grandmother and her would work odd days from each other doing the same thing, which enabled me to spend the other half of my time at my grandparents house while she was working.

In my early teens, my parents decided to embark on a new business adventure-meanwhile my father continued to work for the railroad. They built, and managed 3 gas stations along Lake Winnebago's east side. For many reasons it proved to not be a lucrative business for them; however, they remained in the business until I graduated from high school. My mom would get up at 3 a.m. to open the stores, and many times have to close them due to some reason or another. Yet she managed to make it to every single volleyball, basketball, and softball game I ever participated in; along w/ all the usual teenage runnings at that time.

After they sold the stores, my mom decided to apply for a rural mail carrier position in our home town. It was a 9-3 job, which allowed her to interact with many of the people in the community she has grown to know throughout the course of her lifetime. She truly loved this job, and it was wonderful to see her in a job which was so fulfilling.

When Alex was born, my dad had finally reached retirement with the railroad, and because of how railroad pensions are setup-he had also collected one for my mother during those years. So as a stipulation to retirement, she also had to retire whether she was ready for it or not. My parents had spent most of their adult lives as separate entities: dad worked, made money, and then hunted and fished in his spare time. Mom raised the kids, raised the kids, and raised the kids; and in a plea for sanity she took on part-time work. Sadly when my parents reached retirement, they fell into that population who had spent so much time apart-that when they had to, they didn't know how to spend time together.

Luckily for both of them they have 9 grandchildren, and 2 on the way to refocus themselves on. Dad still enjoys his hunting, fishing, and gardening; mom enjoys volunteering, her spirituality, she continues to give herself to all of us girls-and our extended families, and she enjoys going out to Colorado to just get away sometimes. Mom's random acts of kindness:

• stopping to wash my windows when I'm gone but she won't make a point to let me know she did it
• stopping to sweep the garage, pull weeds; dad stops to take care of the bushes
• organizing things within my house when I'm not around-things she knows I just don't make an honest effort to do myself
• sometimes I'll come home to some form of dinner in the fridge or in the oven
• she is almost always there when I need her to watch the kids in a bind
• she's accomodating to whatever is easiest for our life

And these are just a few, and while they may not seem big or come in the form of monetary value-to a mom w/ 2 kids, and one on the way; these things are priceless. I've said it before, her strength comes in her quietness, she doesn't need to tell me the things she's done-because I notice it, and rarely does a day go by that I'm not thanking her or dropping a line telling her how much I appreciate her. I only wish I can give my kids half of what she has given me throughout the short course of my lifetime so far.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's out there.

Happy Birthday Alex!

Alex turned 4 yesterday, we celebrated the day by Jason and I helping out at his school. He felt like King for the day in his crown his teacher's had made him, the classing singing "Happy Birthday", and then sharing cake w/ all his classmates. Then we took him for lunch by himself, and back home to get ready for his actual party. He got lots of great gifts, and enjoyed each and every one of them-along w/ yet another piece of cake. My mission was accomplished when he said "Mommy, this was the best birthday ever", right before bed.

It's hard to believe 4 years has passed, so many things have changed since then-homes, jobs, the addition of another baby, and yet another on the way. He's growing into a sufficient little boy, I love looking at the photo albums and past birthday movies to see how he's changed. I am so blessed to have him in my life.

Here's this year's birthday movie:

Life on the inside

I had my mid-way u/s done a few weeks ago, and life on the inside appears to be going well. Lots of activity, and all the parts appear to be there. And no, nothing was revealed that we didn't want to see.

My due date is set for August 27th, but if it comes early I won't be too heartbroken:).

Alex and Laura got a kick out of the u/s photos, Alex looked at this 3d photo and asked what that was around the baby, food? And he was a little confused at first as to how they got a picture of the baby, I think he thought they took it out and put it back in for that-until I explained they use a computer.

I'm pretty well in line, my bladder/kidney issues seem to have subsided, I've gained 6 lbs so far, and am feeling pretty decent right now. I manage to work out about 3 days a week at the gym, the elliptical is my new friend; and try to get out for a walk most days. I'll give anything for another birth like Laura's, so I'm trying to stay on a similar track as I did in her pg-so far so good.

Technology is a good thing (naturally I'd say that), but the 3d photos are even a little scary to me, in the photo above you get a glimpse at the profile, a foot, and an elbow/arm in the background.

Playing God

A few months back Mag was diagnosed with something called Wobbler's disease. It's not a well-known disease, but it's prevalant in younger danes and older dobies. The disease affects her spine, and results in loss of coordination of the legs. Her hind legs have been affected for quite some time, but about two weeks ago her front legs began to give way as well. The disease strictly affects the spine; therefore none of her major organs are affected. Essentially she's a normal dog, but if the disease fully progresses she'll be completely incapacitated.

The past two weeks have been rough, she has a hard time manipulating stairs, getting up, and periodically she'll fall down. It's hard to watch her struggle, and I vowed I wouldn't let her get to the point of not walking. We're getting close, the things she enjoys like running in the woods-and just hanging outside with us are becoming challenging.

Naively I hoped she'd just fall asleep, afterall I've already went through the whole put your animal to sleep thing. Life's not that easy though, so we're left to play God and determine when an animals quality of life is no longer worth living. Luckily I've formed a close relationship with my vet throughout the past 9 1/2 years, so she's willing to make one last house call for Mag and I.

Life sucks right now.

Spring photo shoot

I had a few non-Facebookers request to see the recent photos I took of the kids. Unfortunately the weather hasn't been conducive for photos since x-mas.



Sissy is still sporting her 18 month clothes, and I think it's the first I can honestly say that I've gotten adequate use out of "baby" clothes. Common phrases from her are: no, hello, where are you?-in conjunction w/ holding onto a cell, eat, brother, momma, daddy, maagie, and there are many more but those are the most common. We haven't even started potty training yet, I'm not in a hurry just as it did w/ Alex-it will happen when it happens. In the next few months we may try out a big girl bed, just to see how it goes.



Alex enjoyed his spring break this past week, we didn't do anything particular-but he enjoyed coloring eggs, going to the park, enjoyed some birthday cake and a party for his cousin and grandpa, helped grandpa down in the woods, ate at Gillie's for the first time, and had a sleepover at Scott and Sherry's. Proof you don't have to spend money to have a good time:). Common phrases from him: you know, proceeded by some fact of what he probably did in the past week; momma I have a belly ache, but he could mysteriously still find room for candy, gum, or ice cream; there's no such thing as monsters, right mom?; and he continues to tell me how much he loves me-typically followed by some form of a request:). That's o.k., I'll take it while I can.

Little Miss Sunshine

The past few weeks I have finally gotten into a weekly "routine", or I should say that I've adapted to my weekend routine-and not having one during the week. Work is going well, I feel comfortable in my position more and more every weekend. Due to the sensitivity of the information-I won't be on my own for another 3-4 months, which is perfectly fine with me.

After almost 4 years of having to wake, get myself ready, and another 1 or 2 beings out the door by 7:30; it's such a welcome to ease myself and the kids into the day. And yes, there are some days when Alex doesn't have school, that we don't get out of our pj's til late afternoon. Laura, sometimes doesn't at all-and I'm perfectly alright with that. I bought Laura some Hello Kitty underwear, so when the time comes-she might find them interesting. Well she pulled a pair out last week and wanted to wear them, over her pj's. She left them on literally all day, and just before Jason walked through the door she sported a headband in her wild, uncombed hair. Let's just say it reminded me of the movie Little Miss Sunshine. Jason found her quite entertaining-and she didn't have a clue how crazy she looked. My only regret was that I didn't capture the moment!

Laura's vocabulary is evolving everyday, and I had to laugh the other day when my mom described her as "fiesty" after much hesitation. I hate comparing my kids-or any kids for that matter, I think they lose their individuality when they're constantly compared to their brother, sister, etc. But I love how different Alex and Laura's personalities are, Alex is generally pretty quiet, reserved, and goes with the flow. Laura is the one to voice her opinion in most things (even if we don't know what she is saying), she communicates with either a no-or an attempt to hit her brother. If you don't tell her what she wants to hear, it usually involves her throwing whatever it might be that she has in her hand-including her dinner. The only thing I don't like is that she's to the stage where she picks up on everything her brother does, and coming into 4-he's not exactly at a "lovable" stage. It was quite comical though the other day when we left the children's museum, Alex was throwing a tantrum-I used my "one, two" tactic and he promptly got up and followed me. Well that night Alex was being yelled at for something else, and Laura promptly walked up to him and said "one, two". Needless to say Alex didn't like it too much when she gave him a taste of his own medicine that is telling her what to do-I often have to remind him that he is her brother, not her mom.

So life as a sahm on the weekdays is going well; it's even better when you don't know what each day is going to bring w/ your kids.

Almost to the 1/2 way point

Due to the job change, trip to Colorado, and what I refer to as "medical drama" (meaning myself this time)I honestly haven't had a lot of time to think about the pregnancy. For the past 3 months I've been plagued by a nasty bladder/kidney infection that took a while to get rid of. I'm not a stranger to them in pregnancy, but damn-this last one was "bad" in the words of my midwife. There's really no way to describe how I've felt other than uncomfortable, and I can't really pair my intense nausea w/ the pg or the infection. It has consumed me to the point where I haven't had a lot of energy to think about anything other than what's on my plate for the day. I just recently got a good report back, and now I just keep my fingers crossed that we can keep them away from here on out-or at least catch them early. I know I'm feeling better though cause I finally got the ambition to walk 3 miles, and go workout the other day. I'm slowly building myself back up-cause I had been working out pretty regularly until the 6 week marker when it all just seemed to hit me.

Most people that know me, know I'm not one to share information-unless you ask. I don't like to whine when I'm not feeling well, and I don't like to talk to people about things they may not really care about. So don't take my not talking about the pg as not caring; I just prefer to keep things to myself unless people feel inclined to ask.

I've felt the baby move, yes the joys of having multiple pg's gives me that liberty of knowing those feelings early on. It's exciting to know these will be the last baby kicks I'll ever feel again.

We have our ultrasound in 3 weeks, no we won't find out what we're having; we found out w/ Alex mostly by Jason's choice and not w/ Laura by my choice-we both preferred the surprise. Everyone asks "what we want?", um a healthy baby is all we're really looking for.

Do we have a name picked out? A few, but we typically don't share that info until the baby is born. I don't know, call it superstitious-or boring, but there are few things in life that only 1 or 2 people know-Jason and I cherish the months leading up to the birth, and what is all unveiled that day.

Been awhile

Well it's been almost a month, so I felt like I should get back on here and give an update. The past few weeks have been filled with a lot of medical turmoil, I'm not really one that likes drama to begin with-so the past few weeks have been a hell ride for me. My oldest sister went in for what was supposed to be a routine cardiac cath, and the end result was that the dr. performing the cath perforated one of her arteries. The perforation caused clotting, and the release of enzymes from the tear which in turn resulted in a heart attack during the procedure. Once that was under wraps, they put 3 stents into her right coronary artery. The worst part, we learned what all happened a week later-at a different hospital, when a 2nd cath was performed. Little did the initial doctor realize, one of my other sister's is a nuclear med tech in a heart center out in Colorado-we knew very early that his description of what happened during the procedure wasn't exactly accurate-too many things weren't adding up. Because of that, it was no surprise to many of us that we had to admit her a 2nd time (yes, at a different hospital) and we were on pins and needles as to the damage that might have been caused. The good news is the 2nd cath showed blood flow was good in the right coronary artery, it also showed the perforation had begun to heal. And while it will take a while for it to heal, she is expected to make a full cardiac recovery.

She had surgery this morning, a week and a half later to remove a hematoma from her groin area, which was a result of the stint (which the cath is inserted) being removed improperly during the initial procedure. The surgery went well, and we are all hoping Sherry will have a nice hiatus from dr.'s and hospitals for a very long time.

It's moments like these, where you receive a phone call and have to listen to your own mother cry on the other end that makes you realize how hard life can be sometimes. Sherry endured the worst of it all, and will only come out a stronger person because of it; but I still went to bed every night with a deeper appreciation for my own family. Life is short, you don't realize it til it's too late-if you haven't hugged your sister, mom or dad lately-do so the next time you see them.

Weekend Getaway

I pretty much jumped right into my new position w/ no time off; I opted to reap the benefits of a few larger fulltime checks-paired w/ my large bank of vacation time left from RC. But my new schedule gave Alex and I an opportunity to take an extended weekend trip out to Colorado.

Alex is to the age where if you tell him you're doing something exciting, he'll ask about it continuously until we do it; so I opted to not tell him what we were doing until the Thursday before we left. We flew out Friday night after work, and it was nice that the Mischo's booked a hotel in Denver so we didn't have to hop in the car for another hour. We got up and enjoyed the pool, then headed to the Denver aquarium. After that we headed to our destination near Fort Collins. The weather was 55-70 while we were there, so a very nice change of pace. The kids were able to play outside, and just enjoy the fresh air. We visited a few places while we were there, but Alex preferred to just stay at Fritz'ies and play which was perfectly fine for all of us.

I was really just looking for an excuse to go out and see my sister and her family for a few days, and Alex loves to play with Ari and Maddie; which was exactly what we did. Thanks again for the great hospitality Mischo's, hopefully see you and new baby Mischo in the spring!

A New Adventure

I've had a number of people ask me how my first week at my new job went, so I thought instead of replying to each and every inquiry I'd post on here. So far the first week has left me feeling excited, and that's really the only adjective I can come up with at this point.

All of the people I've met so far have been friendly and helpful, they've created my training schedule so that I get a very clear understanding of the infrastructure that goes behind the particular network I'm responsible for supporting. I relayed my appreciation to my new boss about how great the informational sessions have been from the different departments-and while I hate to compare old jobs, this is definitely an aspect where in the past if I wanted information-I had to ask. My bosses response was that "we want people to succeed here, and giving them a complete understanding of as much as we can is a large part of that".

I've also been asked, what exactly do you do? All law enforcement officials throughout the state access a proprietary software to the state of WI managed by the Crime Infomation Bureau (CIB). This software allows them to query multiple databases for whatever information it might be that they are searching: federal, CIB, DNR, DOT, information from other states, and a few others. It's my job to make sure that the network for these databases is up and running properly. I also help law enforcement officials if they are having issues w/ the software itself; and one of the other pertinent jobs is posting APB's (all points bulletins) to law enforcement throughout the state when necessary. Other duties include ensuring backups are scheduled and running properly, and filling in as a call center for the state crime lab during the weekend.

Lots of exciting stuff, and as I said-the fact that they've done a wonderful job training so far only helps my competency in the position. In an effort to get a jump start on training, I worked all last week on days, and will this Thurs and Fri as well; then I'll begin my weekend shifts.

18 months and counting

Today Laura had her 18 month check-up, she weighed in at 23 lbs, and 31 1/2 inches long. She is a peanut, her weight hasn't changed for the last couple months; but that's fine considering their activity level usually ups and their appetite (or time for dinner, that is) decreases. The "thunder thighs" Jason used to refer to have wittled down and her waist is tiny.

I can assure you that what's lacking in the waistline is made up in her personality, and attitude. She's emerging into her own, and it is so fun to see the new words, expressions, and attitude that is "Sissy". She's transformed from wanting to have and do everything that her brother does, into a more independent person that likes to do things her own way. She's a tuffy, if she doesn't get things her way she tends to react aggressively: throws something, she'll take a peck at her brother when nobody's looking, and occassionally she'll throw herself on the floor for a little tantrum. Since Alex never really did the tantrum thing, it's pretty comical for us. And at the ripe age of 18 months she takes a time out with the best of them, she'll sit on the bottom step-periodically she'll be reminded to sit up instead of slouch, but she sits pretty still with a dirty little look on her face trying to suck you into eye contact w/ her-just so you can see her face-that was the moment I knew boys and girls were different. She's right on target in all other areas, next task: potty training in the upcoming months.

Alex is moving right along as well, he really likes school and his favorite past time is wrestling with his dad at night. Some mornings he'll ask on the way to school "Mom, can me and dad wrestle tonight?" He's become quite the negotiater the past few months, he tries to sell the idea that if he does just a little of this, he can have a lot of that. Dinners are a struggle for him, often he's not hungry, then throw into consideration that he's picky and we have a given argument. His favorite line is "My mom lets me do this or that"; he's typically talking to Jason when he says this. I notice his coordination and manual dexterity skills have grown over the past couple months, sometimes I catch myself watching him fall from a taller area-when he's actually jumping off and landing perfectly fine. And the best is that I've grown an extra set of eyes, he watches out for Laura and alerts me to hazardous situations; and in the same sense he tells me when she's been naughty and how the adults around her have handled it in my absence.

Alex is excited at the news of a new sibling, he understands the concept pretty well-many times he looks for reassurance and says, "it takes a long time for a baby to grown in your belly right?" At first he was under the impression that it would automatically be a little sister, since that's all he knows. But then when I mentioned-"or a brother" his eyes got pretty big and he said "maybe a brother and a sister"; I assured him it was one or the other-there weren't 2 in there. Laura is too young-there will be a similar age difference as her and Alex-so she'll be young enough to have some animosity those first couple days; but she'll probably get over it pretty quickly and just adjust to the idea that it's one more playmate in the house. Alex adjusted really well at that age, but their personalities are different-I'm guessing she'll give us a little more run for our money, but nothing we can't handle.

Plans Change Part II

I have some wonderful news to share.

Jason and I are expecting our 3rd child. Today's dr. appointment complete with a healthy heartbeat assured us that it is the perfect time to share our wonderful news. Jason and I couldn't be happier, we prefer the fact that our children are spaced a little over 2 years apart (anyone with significantly older or younger siblings will resoundingly agree just based off of personal experience:)); and look forward to just focusing on our children and this final pregnancy. To know that those are the only things we have to "worry" about at this point in our lives gives us a sense of happiness and calm you can't describe.

On the heels of that, I've recently accepted a senior network analyst position within the IS dept of the state Department of Justice. It is a weekend only position which allows me to spend more time with my children which is something I have wanted for quite some time. The perfect opportunity presented itself in this position as the financial tradeoff was next to none-so tell me, if you could get paid what you do now for working 20 less hours, plus better benefits, and get the liberty of raising your children instead of relying on daycare-would you? You wouldn't believe the reluctance and negative tone I was met with when contemplating this no brainer; so the last few weeks of contemplation and interviews were shared with a few close confidants and those who supported me most. I will complete a full week of training and then jump aboard the weekend shift comprised of working late Sat and Sun afternoon into early morning hours the following day. My weekend won't be shot, and anyone with young children doesn't exactly have a "social life" anyways, the trade off was far worth it. It will take some adjusting, but we will be just fine. And yes, as of the 2nd interview they were aware I'm expecting; it's reassuring to know some companies don't hold a gender barrier and are looking for the most qualified candidate. In fact, I was the first of 3 candidates, and got first choice of my shift. I'm elated at this news, I've waited a long time for this opportunity to present itself so that I could achieve my own goals and do so in a manner that wouldn't upheave our life. This job gives me an opportunity to continue my skills and education in the IT field, while keeping my foot in the door for when my children grow up and I'm ready to return to the fulltime working world.

A short while ago I posted about plans changing, the last paragraph left way to however my cards would fall. The scene was set with a phone interview for a part-time position; however, a few things had to fall into place such as refinancing our mortgage, and the perfect job had to present itself. Another scene layered under that was Jason and I's attempt to have our 3rd and final baby; the thought of a winter baby wasn't appealing to me, so that last window of opportunity came right around the time I tested for the open position.

End result in chronological order:

test for IS position within the state
result scored well enough to land a phone interview
refinance home at record low rate
phone interview
positive pregnancy test
2nd interview
3rd interview
job offer

I was surprised with the reactions for both sets of news, to which I couldn't make any sense-these are both wonderful things, yet I was crassly referred to as being knocked up, and I think some people thought that once I was pregnant I had dismissed the job opportunity. Regardless, Jason and I are very happy with both end results; so plans have indeed changed once again. I won't be competing in that 1/2; but the reasons are worth their weight in gold. I'm glad I left the rest in someone else's hands, I couldn't have came up with a better end result myself.

Happy Birthday Mom

We recently celebrated my mom's birthday, so as a gift I sought tickets to the Oprah show. She's been a long time fan of O, and has attended a few other shows as well; but regardless whether you like the woman or not it's still great fun just to go and experience the excitement of a live show. Last week I received a phone call from Oprah studios asking if we would be available to attend 2 screenings the night prior to taping, at the time all they told me was that Kate Winslet was in the movies, and that she would be in studio. Typcially the subject is TBA to the audience, so it was exciting to have an inkling of what was to come.

We arrived in Chicago late Monday afternoon and headed straight to the theatre. It was then we found out we were watching Revolutionary Road and The Reader; Kate had just won a Golden Globe for each of them Sunday night. She acted wonderfully in both films, so obviously they were well deserved awards; however it's been a long, and I stress a long time since my mom has been to the movie theatre to watch a movie; muchless two very sexually charged movies. The plots were interesting, if somebody asked me if I liked one over the other-or liked them at all my response would be that they were very different movies. The plots were not real typical, although both movies held your attention throughout.

After 5 hours in the theatre we headed back to the hotel, my mom didn't even know who Kate was to begin with so the entire night was a mystery to her; she didn't have much of a response to the movies either; however, it was quite priceless when we got back to the hotel and she says "Well I do know that I saw more sex in those two movies, than I have in the last 20 years". I laugh just thinking about those words coming out of my mom's mouth.

The next morning we arrived at the studio; Kate was in studio as promised and Leonardo DiCaprio, Meryl Streep, Micky Rourke, and Ron Howard were on Skype thoughout the show. It was a live broadcast so we didn't even get home in time to see it-but it was more fun just to be there for it. We hit MI Avenue afterwards, but it was so bitter and windy down there that we didn't last long. We hit the train out of Union Station back to Milwaukee, and headed home after a fun, and memorable 2 day getaway.

Anyone that knows me, knows that my mom plays a very large roll in my life. She's the only person I'll bare my soul to, the good, bad and ugly and know that she'll still love me no matter what. While I said that you don't truly appreciate your parents until you are a parent back in my Father's Day post, I can honestly say that I have always appreciated the person my mom has been even at a young age, she has taught me so much about life just through leading by example. She's weathered a lot through her life, but at no time will you see her gloating about the woes and highs she experienced, it's through her quietness that I've learned what is important in life. Your an amazing woman mom: I love you, and happy birthday!