It's been a while since I updated, and my life has been busy as usual. We enjoyed a trip out to Colorado to visit my sister and her family, while Jason and my brother-in-law went hunting. Alex was actually out there a whole week before we went which was weird-it was my first time away from him for any extended period of time. While I missed him, I took advantage of the couple extra minutes in my day and started job hunting.
Jason and I agreed before I even started hunting that I wasn't going to waste my time applying for positions I wasn't serious about-it wastes my time and energy of stressing about the what-ifs. I applied for a pt customer service/it position within a Minnesota based company that has just built a new logistics center in Fond du Lac. McNeilus Steel manufacturers and supplies raw steel. My job will be a jack of all trades, some office duties, customer service, and they liked my resume cause they felt the i.t. background would be useful since the center is connected to the corporate office-and they'd like a liason when technology issues arise.
When I first started at the college I was basically just doing office work, and 8 years later my duties, titles, and responsiblities changed immensely. It was an amazing opportunity-just as I feel this position is. I'll be working 11-4, Monday through Friday which works out perfectly. We can get out the door in time to get Alex off to school, and be back home to enjoy some family time. It will help us out tremendously in the finances which is a large part of why I decided to go back-in this economy, I figure if I can swim rather than sink, why not do it? Time away from family is minimal in this position, and will probably be positive for the dynamics since it will give me a mental break from childrearing and remind myself that I am something other than a "mom":).
Due to my job, Alex will be transferring to the 4k program within our school district, and he's really excited about going to the "orange school". Last week he met the director of the before/after school daycare program, and also toured his classroom so he's comfortable when he goes in on Monday. I'm nervous cause I feel like he's going to grow up so much now-going to and from class w/ minimal help, recess, and hot lunch. I guess that's life, but it's scary! He also enjoyed his first vacation without us, he got to "go on a big plane with Grandma Bonnie, all the way to Colorado!". It's something he'll never forget, and he very much enjoyed the limelight for that week w/ out us.
Laura and Ainslee will be going to daycare in Fond du Lac, so I've been building Laura up to the thought that she's going to school as well-since she already wants too go along with Alex. I think she will do alright after the first couple days, she has more separation anxiety than Alex ever had-but it's pretty manageable, especially if crayon, paint, or markers are part of the distraction. She endured the 15 hour drive out to Colorado really well, it was just a matter of catching up on lost sleep when we got out there-and fighting off a cold. She probably at about 30 apples while we were out there, hence the photo. She got to ride in the big airplane with Grandma Bonnie on the way back-Miss Personality wanted to go home w/ the guy sitting next to her:). She's also in a pretty strong terrible two stage, or rather she is just very different than Alex ever was. She doesn't listen, ruins things on a daily basis without a second thought, is starting to fight nap and bedtime, and she just dances to her own tune. I think that's what makes me laugh about the bad situations, right behind one of her negative actions comes Alex-I think he's more upset about the things she does than I am half the time!
Ainslee's growing and developing like a weed, a few nights this past week she slept for 8-7 hour stretches so I think she's on her way to sleeping through the night. She's smiling up a storm, and starting to show more and more of her personality every day. The kids love entertaining her, and now it's even more rewarding when she smiles back at them. I will miss her most when I go back to work, she doesn't talk back yet:).
As hard as it will be, I remind myself that the financial aspect will be worth the time away-less stressful nights and days for me, equals happier me and kids. I've always believed that certain things happen for a reason, at the right time-and that is what I think this job is for me as well. I'm not sure where I'm going, but I'll let you know when I get there;).
This past year has been one of turmoil, downs, and ups. . . . Unfortunately more downs than up, it makes me think I should consider writing a country western song. The year started out with an opportunity for me to pursue a new career, one which afforded me more time w/ my kids so I decided to take it-but unfortunately things didn't turn out the way I had planned. All was not lost with that particular episode though because it has given me the opportunity to spend an entire summer with my children, and allows me to do all the running of errands to chasing after Alex's school schedule, and pursue my final two classes for my associate's degree.
Then there's my oldest sister who is in her early 40's went in for her routine cardiac cath and came out a heart attack and 3 stents later. That was another few weeks of watchful waiting and stress. . . I'm happy to report she is doing very well, it's just a matter of waiting to see what the next couple years bring for her.
Early in the summer I lost Mag, and while it was for all the right reasons it was probably one of my hardest blows. I still cry thinking about her in my quiet times, and I cry replaying the weeks leading up to putting her down, and the kids initial reaction; specifically Alex when I informed him that Mag would be going to heaven soon, his reply "but that means she'll die". It's one of those moments where you wonder, why does life have to be so hard?
Luckily we had a few months of quiet, and then the wonderful arrival of Ainslee-it was the one thing I knew I could look forward to the entire summer and hope to have a break in the dramatic twists my life seems to take.
Two days after bringing her home my mom informed me and my sister's that she was moving out of the house, and pursuing a legal separation or possible divorce from my dad after 40+ years of marriage. While their relationship was anything but great, and we could all understand how they could get to that point-it's a hard pill to swallow, especially coming off what was supposed to be a great time in my household w/ the addition of a new baby. For about 2 weeks my mom stayed at various houses meanwhile pursuing the proper steps to separate, when she got to the financial part of the separation the "shit hit the fan". My dad finally hit rock bottom, realized this was the real deal and finally agreed to go to counseling for himself, as well as marriage counseling. I'm happy to report my mom has moved back home, and things seem to be going very well. They wasted so much time hating each other for simple misunderstandings, and need to work past some resentment issues so hopefully with the help of professionals they can do that. If not, at least we'll all have the peace of mind that they did everything in their power to make it work.
For those of you that may not know, one of my older sister's has an addiction to pain killers; she also relies heavily on anti-depressant and anxiety meds to get her through the day. If you've ever watched the t.v. show Intervention-her life mirrors many of those people. Shortly after I had Laura she hit rock bottom and got herself some help, unfortunately it seems she relapsing. I've decided to distance myself from this situation-she is the only one that can help herself, and my plate is full enough with my own immediate family that I don't think this warrants my attention. While it might seem selfish, I've spent a better part of 2 years dealing and helping her directly only watch it all fall back to a relapse, so I'm officially giving up on that right now.
Finally, Granny Ruth (Ains' middle name sake) was admitted to the hospital last week, they weren't quite sure what was wrong but they felt that there was possibly a trauma to her urethra due to the catheter getting moved. A few days went by and her bleeding continued which lead them to believe they were dealing with something bigger like cancer, luckily the bleeding has subsided so they are sticking with their first diagnosis; however, they did agree that Grandma is steadily declining and feel that hospice should probably be called in. There's no telling how long she could be with us-hours, days, or years (knowing her:). I struggle with this more because I know how pissed she'd be if she knew it came to this-88 years old and has to rely on everyone to do everything for her, and she can't even see or talk. I ask myself and God, why? What is the point of keeping somebody on Earth like that?
I have found myself asking this question for a better part of the year, it's been a hard one to swallow for me. I am not a fan of drama, so you can imagine that this year has been the one from hell. Most days I woke up and wondered where the bottom was going to drop out today? I am a strong believer in everything happening for a reason, I really struggled with this the past year. I know this is sort of a downer post, but I felt I owed it to some people to let them know if I've come off frazzled, seem distant, or have had a hard time focusing-one of these few things might have been the reason why.
While I give up trying to piece all things together, some of it makes sense. Things I do know are that I am so blessed to have my family, my health, and a head on my shoulders that tends to keep things clear.
We've settled into a routine around the Wuest household, and while it's consistent-it is busy. I thought becoming a sahm would make my life a little easier, and it might once I'm done with school-but right now my head spins with what day of the week it is, whether I have my homework done for the week, whose watching the kids Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday; and then there's Friday which is basically my only day to slowly approach the day and just stay home! The end is finally in sight, and I'm all slated to get my diploma come December-I'm just wrapping up my last two courses. Some people think I'm crazy to jump into classes after having a baby; however, one of the courses is only offered in the fall semester-and I figured since I'm at home I'd take the final course and just get it over with.
Alex started 4 year old preschool 2 weeks ago, and let's just say that things have been a little trying between the two of us. He seems to have hit his terrible twos at the ripe age of 4 because most days are filled with talking back, tantrums, and constant aggravation of his younger sister. Some people say it's the addition of the baby, but honestly I think it's the realization that Ainslee is not his problem-it's Laura, who is becoming more and more independent (most times, moreso than him) and his competition for attention. I hope the next few months bring a passing of some sort of phase. He is however amazing with Ainslee, he loves talking and touching her and she enjoys his company.
Laura is growing up before our very eyes, I didn't realize how big she really was getting until Ainslee came along. She expresses herself through art, she loves to paint, color, and write. She also expresses herself through screaming, spitting, and throwing herself on the floor for a good ol' tantrum. How blessed I am to have two children going through terrible two's together:), can you sense my sarcasm. She is very good with Ainslee, she's become much more careful in a short time-and she enjoys looking and talking to her when Alex isn't doing so. I try my hardest not to treat her as the typical middle child, and now that her personality is in full force it's very apparent that each of your children are different-yet you love them the same. She is going to be one independent girl, which is a great quality-especially for a woman in this day and age; regardless of her looks, I did give her something!
Speaking of personalities, our latest addition is fitting right in. She's starting to make herself known in the household with being awake for longer periods of time, holding eye contact, and making noise every once in a while. The nurses called her strong willed within hours of being born, that she is-and she's also a little sassy already. She's still blessing us with long stretches of sleep in the night, and yes-we know we're spoiled. There is nothing like the smell of a new baby, and just the quiet moments of cuddling up on the couch with this little being giving herself all to you, I truly am cherishing as many moments like this as we can get.
So while the craziness can get a little overwhelming, I try to remind myself that life won't be this crazy forever. People think I'm nuts when I tell them the age of my children-I remind them it will only be really hard for a few year, you know, til they're all moved out of the house:) Til then, I'll enjoy every moment of the mahem!
The wait was finally over on August 22nd, as Ainslee Ruth joined us just before 5 p.m. She weighed in at 8 lbs 4 oz, and 20" long. I had had contractions for a few days leading up to it, even went into the hospital on Thursday night only to be sent home because she was still pretty "high up there". Little did they know she wouldn't come down til the last minute. We came home, and I got an exceptionally good night of sleep on Friday night-when I woke I told Jason I hadn't slept that good in a long time, and his response was "maybe that means something". Sure enough by 10 a.m. my contractions were 5 minutes apart for about an hour, so I called in to see when the midwife wanted me to come in. Given how quickly Laura came, she thought we should head in-the 3rd time around you're much calmer, and almost paranoid that you're afraid it's a false alarm, but in the same sense you don't want to have the baby in the car on the way there, lol. So we headed in around 12:30, the midwife broke my water around 2, and I had her 3 hours later. Labor was much harder this time around than with Laura, it was an extra hour of natural labor so by the time I had to push I was exhausted. Nontheless, I pushed so well that the midwife didn't even have time to put her gown on. Aside from her shoulders getting stuck for a bit, she came out without a hitch.
Since she came out so quickly, her heart rate and breathing were quick in an effort to work off the fluid in her lungs that didn't get squeezed out. They kept her in the nursery for the night, so I went in and held her for a good few hours and then headed to bed. The next morning they wheeled her in bright and early, and she stayed-and got held lots and lots the entire day:).
We've been home about a week and half, and it's amazing how quickly reality sets in with the 3rd baby and you don't even really get that "honeymoon" phase. Jason took a week off, so it helped with the kids transition; even moreso Alex started school this week so they've adjusted relatively quickly since we pretty much had to jump back into "life". Alex is almost too good w/ her, talks to her a lot and is in her face and kissing and touching her all the time. Laura is getting there as well, at first she was a little physical and didn't know how to be careful-but she's improved a lot in the past week. They both really don't show a whole lot of jealousy, and if they do-it's in the form of being naughty towards Jason and I, so we can handle that:)
I've been blessed with another good sleeper so far (knock on wood), she already only wakes twice-and technically since her second waking is at 5:45 it really isn't nighttime anymore. She's a content baby, and I love holding and enjoying her every second I can-especially knowing she's my last. So far she has dark hair, and I'm guessing she'll have blue eyes to match her siblings. And with my luck all that dark hair will fall out and come back in blond just like Laura's, I laughed as a friend of mine told me "you have cookie cutter babies, they all come out looking the same", to which I responded- "I have Wuest babies". My mom is holding out hope this baby has dark hair probably cause she feels sorry for me, but I'm not holding out hope-Ainslee is who she is, and looks like herself just as my other kids do.
One of Tom Petty's greatest comes to mind right about now as I'm approaching the last 3 weeks (or less) of my pregnancy. I've started going weekly, and had my first physical exam this past week. The results: I'm dilated to 1, cervix is soft, and baby's station is still up there (as if it moved away from her when she checked me). She said it could be anytime now given my cervix, she also estimated the baby to be 7-7.5 lbs, while I don't hold her to it-she was right on w/ Laura so I know she has a pretty educated guess:).
I'm also happy to report that the headaches I had about 3 weeks ago have subsided as I began seeing a chiropractor. So besides some lower back pain and the usual late pg complaints-things are going pretty well.
Summer is wrapping up quickly, and I have to say that I'm quite surprised how quickly it went considering I was home all summer. I really enjoyed spending the days with the kids whether it was taking a trip to find a pool, new park, or just stay at home-it was fun to watch them enjoy themselves. I'm not sure what the next few months is going to bring in with regards to a job-but I do know that I appreciated and enjoyed every moment I had w/ the kids this summer.
Alex will be starting 4k this year which I don't anticipate any problems, since the 3k program he attended last year prepped him really well. While he enjoyed the summer, I think he's looking forward to the start of school as well to some routine, and mental stimulation.
This past weekend was our last weekend up north for the summer cause I didn't want to get too far from home within a month of being due. We finally had the cabin to ourselves, and also took up my mom, and nieces who were home visiting from Colorado. They enjoyed a horse back ride, go carts, Laura enjoyed a pony ride, swimming at the lake, and smores. We all enjoyed our last hurrah, or at least til the baby comes:)
A few friends shared this via Facebook, so I thought I would complete a few of them according to my life at this moment-and share here.
1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...shrinks w/ each pg, and someday I might get that boob job:)
2. I've come to realize that in my job-I work to live, not live to work.
3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I prefer to be alone, and have music I love cranked
4. I've come to realize that I need....to remind myself that only so much is in my hands
5. I've come to realize that I have lost..one of my best friends, and it didn't have to be human
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people are dishonest, drama seeking, or gaining something at someone else's expense
7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...I'm probably happy
8. I've come to realize that money...is material, it doesn't define a person
9. I've come to realize that certain people...bring out the best in me, and other's bring out the worst
10. I've come to realize that I'll always ...rely on myself
11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...some are dramatic, pay little attention to detail, have no sense of commitment, one probably won't ever find herself, and I really wish one of them lived closer. They all love my children as if they were their own, and that's what I focus on.
12. I've come to realize that my mom...is a wonderful person who deserved a better marriage than the one she got
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is usually on vibrate, and many times I won't answer it even though I know it's ringing
14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...my body was a pile, and I couldn't believe what an awful night of sleep I got, lol
15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep..I iced my back, and relaxed by watching the local news in peace and quiet
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking..I hope I sleep better tonight!
17. I've come to realize that my dad...didn't lead a perfect life, but has spent the last few years making up lost time; see 12
18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I'm amazed at the amount of time people waste, and am extremely annoyed with how people use it as a means to keep tabs on me
19. I've come to realize that today...I donated time to a charitable cause
20. I've come to realize that tonight...in a few short weeks we're going to be a family of 5, and wondering how the kids will transition
21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is just another day to enjoy with the kids, oh and I'm getting a massage
22. I've come to realize that I really want to...have the best of both worlds-stay at home w/ my kids, but work on my career and earn my own living
23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...n/a
24. I've come to realize that life...while hard, is so worth the ride
25. I've come to realize that this weekend...was busy, I'm looking forward to heading up north next weekend for some r&r before the baby
26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...anything I like
27. I've come to realize that my friends..some are just as important as family
28. I've come to realize that this year...has been rough, but look forward to the wonder that is yet to come to make it a great year
29. I've come to realize that my ex..I'm thankful that he taught me what a 'nice guy' is
30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...stand up for myself when people act inappropriately
31. I've come to realize that I love...watching my children: eat, sleep, breathe, laugh, cry and smile
32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...why you have to lose something to realize what you had
33. I've come to realize my past...made me who I am today
34. I've come to realize that parties..it's hard to relive that summer after you graduate high school feeling, but damn it sure would be fun!
35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...of losing my parents
36. I've come to realize that my life....is wonderful and I've been so blessed
Yesterday Laura (or we refer to her as Sissy) turned 2 years old. It is so hard to believe that much time has passed, here is her birthday movie recapping the past year:
