Time Marches On

You know the country music song, Time Marches On by Tracey Lawrence? The past few weeks/months just seem to be marching on, and some days I rarely have a recollection of what exactly happened, I just know I made it through to live onto another day!


School: two weeks ago I wrapped up a strategy and policy course that was bar none one of my most challenging courses. It was very workload heavy with small busy work, and then a few really large assignments (as in a 79 page stockholders report), paired along with an online simulation. The professor had a very strong Indian accent, so I spent a large portion of my time just trying to listen to him, let alone comprehend anything. I ended up with a B in the class, the lowest I have scored in all my classes-and I can honestly say I applied myself more to this course than any I have ever taken. It was heartbreaking, but in a sense I'm just glad to have it over and done with. I piggy backed that class with a two week course: Stephen King Master of the Horror Genre, it was extremely laid back which was just the breath of fresh air I needed after the strategy course. 2 1/2 classes left, and I sit here thinking to myself, it was just yesterday I decided to work towards my bachelors-I figured I'd be done by the time Ains was 3 and the timing would be perfect. And while I find myself in denial that Ains is already going to be 3 in August, the realization that there is a light at the end of this school tunnel has finally set it.


Life: Jason and I just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary on Friday. It was fairly anti-climactic. We don't exchange gifts, we never have, let alone a card. We went to a wedding and celebrated with a night off from the kids. The picture above is our second grade class photo, it's funny thumbing through old photo albums what you will find. I only went to Brandon for 3 years, but somehow we managed to be right next to each other in one of our school photos. When people see that they probably assume Jason and I were high school sweethearts, or have spent our entire lives together. We've been acquantances almost our entire lives, but it wasn't until close to our high school graduation that we started dating. Here's a little more irony, my grandma always put together a graduation album, including a folder with compilations of little things I had done throughout the school years. Among this folder I found a paper I wrote my sophomore year of high school, it was a biography of a classmate I had been paired up with, guess who that classmate was? Of all of the works to hold onto, maybe my grandma had an insight I wasn't aware of;). This past year has seemed to be a blur, and while we don't take time to shower each other with gifts, I certainly take time to count the blessings Jason has given to me. Among my children, he has also been a key source of support and sanity. He is my voice of reason, reassurance, and devils advocate. Jason is a genuinely good man, and father we are all blessed to have him in our life.


Kids: Hard to believe we'll be wrapping up the school year on June 4th?! Where has the time gone. . . . We are still up in the air whether Laura will move onto Kindegarten or do another year of 4k. I know the right decision will come to us as we get closer to next school year. She will no doubt excel on the academic side of things; however, she's a July birthday in a classroom filled with 15 girls! The social aspect of always having to keep up with the other older girls in the class makes me nervous. Alex continues to do really well, he had his first baseball game this past weekend. He's looking forward to his summer when he'll be able to go to the Y for daycare and spend a few days of the week with Papa Jim. Ainslee's officially become an early riser, sniff, sniff; thanks to our new schedule. Her little personality continues to emerge and make us all laugh every day.


Work: A few weeks back I was officially offered a fulltime contract with my job. Which basically means I'll become a fulltime benefited employee come July 1. Since our line of work is education based, positions are contracted on a yearly basis-but as long as I'm doing my job, and the money doesn't run out, then I should expect a job renewal. I really enjoy work, the atmosphere is very similar to my position at Ripon-which I'm guessing is a theme in the academic sector. The environment is laid back and flexible, and my position is something that is a really good fit for me at this point in my career.

Alex turns 7!

Just like riding a bike

I can officially say that I survived my first week back into the working world. Of course it didn't come without its hiccups, it figures that Ainslee would come down with strep the week before, which means Laura conveniently spiked her fever the day before my first day of work. Hey it could have been worse, it could have been on Tuesday right about the time they were going through my orientation of sick and vacation use days.

We survived, and I managed to come down with something viral or bacterial my entire first week which basically rendered me useless as soon as the kids hit their pillows. I finally went to urgent care today with two kids in tow, and the look on the doctor's face was priceless when I said "you don't necessarily have to be treated if you have strep do you?" His response was that I was much more likely a carrier, and suffering from something else. Needless to say our health insurance deductibles for the year were probably met in the past 3 weeks.

The good news: Claritin D works wonders. Alex loves afterschool, and Ainslee loves daycare and her day alone with Grandma Bonnie. Apparently technology knowledge is like riding a bike, I was amazed at the knowledge I retained after being out of the workforce for two years, which amounted to two operating system upgrades in computer lingo and the invention of a million other gadgets. I feel very comfortable in my new position. I had a lot of anxiety going in wondering how out of touch I would be, and praying to God that the working environment was 'normal' for me which means nobody hates one another, and everyone can stomach going to work everyday with minimal bitching (also known as not working for the the State of Wisconsin). I only hope I can retain half of the knowledge I obtained going to college these past few years;)!

The bad news: Laura's struggling the most with the transition, but just coming off strep I'm hoping next week won't be as hard. Also she's gaining lots of friends in afterschool, and the ladies think 'she is such a doll'. Her anxiety tends to come in the form of 'I have a stomach ache, and I really need my mom to pick me up.' I know it will get better for her. Jason and I can probably count on one hand the hours we've actually seen and conversed. He's working long hours this week and weekend, which has been hard when you throw in a night of classes for me and a whole new routine. All I can say to that is it will get better with time, hopefully.

We're only a week in, but this is my report so far: me and the three cheeseballs above are surviving so far!

Work, with compensation

I recently accepted a job offer, I'm set to begin this new journey March 13th. This marks the end of an era for me: moving back into the working world after a 2 year hiatus. The hiatus was part desire and part necessity: I wanted to spend more time with my kids, so it seemed like a natural break that would also allow me to work towards my degree fulltime. Knowing my class load would lighten right about now, I have been scanning jobs and weighing my options for the past couple of months. Little did I know that within a matter of weeks, and a few jobs that interested me, would I have been offered a position.

I will precursor this, my new job will offer work with financial compensation which will be a new concept to me. The past few years I have worked the hardest job of my career in being a stay at home mom, measured not in salary or benefits; but in the smiles, hugs, cuddles, fights, tears, and growth of my children and myself. Most nights you're faced with the sober 'review' of was today a good day, or a bad day from a parenting aspect. What is considered 'good' is largely an individual expectation. Was it that the laundry was done, the house was spotless, and every tumultuous child rearing experience was handled with grace and beauty? Maybe in the perfect world, I guess my life is more reality. The house has never been spotless: my windows are filthy, my bathroom showers are more than desired, my laundry gets done when I have time, and some altercations between my children and I have been nothing close to grace or beauty. My days are measured more in the balance of harmony I can find in my house between my kids, myself, my homework, the normal life errands, etc. And some days I fail miserably; however, I get up the next day knowing it's a new start and the to-do list will still be there. It's time management and multitasking at its best, financial accounting and budgeting 'for dummies', and psychology no professional could ever fathom. Nothing a college education could ever teach you. . . .

I'm ready for this next exciting step in my life, a chance to utilize my education and past skills. The ability to provide for myself, and my family again. Of all the challenges, I think this has been my toughest. Every purchase is scrutinized and I feel this awful guilt when I look at things that are purely entertainment or unnecessary. Like a camera lens I purchased a few years back before Christmas, I felt so guilty over how much it cost that I returned it. Jason has never made me feel this way, it's just inbred in me I think. Prior to having kids I've always had a job, and a sense of pride in my ability to support myself physically, mentally, and financially. Staying at home certainly lays all of this out on the table, I'm thankful Jason has been a tremendous support in so many ways.

I am so grateful for the time I've had with my children, it has taught me so much about them, myself, and it has helped me to appreciate others around me, past and present. I often think to myself, how in the hell was my grandma so patient?! Or, now I know why my mom waited eight years to have me after my sister. I've faced criticism for my parenting skills, for wanting to obtain my education while my kids are little, and who knows what else. While it's been the hardest two years of my life, I can easily say it has been the best.

The time is right for all of us, Alex literally cheered when he found out he gets to go to afterschool. Laura is so ready for school every day neither of us can stand it, lol. And Ainslee enjoys going to the lady who will be babysitting her. It's not as if I'm sitting at home watching a cooing baby smile back at me anymore, we're all ready for a little more independence and a new normal.

Here's to our new 'normal', whatever that might be!

Yet another update. . .

So here we are the middle of February, hardly any snow on the ground and temps seem to be hanging around 30-40 steadily. Is this the new sign of winter, thanks to global warming? If so, I am certainly not complaining.

We've been busy:

Laura and Jason went to their very first father/daughter dance at our church and she had an absolute ball. I made an appointment for her to go get her hair washed and braided by Robyn, and that alone sent her over cloud 9. Then she got to put on a 'new dress' and have her dad all to herself for a few hours while running around and dancing under the dim lights. And they received a memorable photo for the evening and her smile says it all. . . . such a beautiful little girl. She's also surpassed the milestone of tying her shoes in the past week, she's a busy girl! I found her the perfect pair of tennies complete with multi-color laces. She also sailed through swimming lessons these past 6 weeks, and graduated to a Ray. She is such an overachiever;)!

Miss Ainslee is officially potty trained, with the exception of her night time pull up. It only took a few consistent days, a handful of Skittles, and lots of tutorials by me and Laura but she's got the hang of it. As I pack our stuff to head up north this weekend, I'm amazed how much lighter my bag is getting-no longer do I need to tote along a baby monitor, diapers, and wipes. It's sad and happy all at the same time. She's also developing that 2 year old personality, she can be quite sassy at times, particularly when her sister is around. On more than one occasion people have told me how different they are when they are alone vs. with each other, um trust me people-you don't have to sugar coat it, I know! We've been enjoying our days alone, now that my school load is lightening, I usually rest my eyes along with her at naptime or take in more snuggle time.

Alex had his mid-term report card, and he continues to do really well. It's amazing what positive reinforcement, and a more closely monitored school system can do for a kids academic, and personal ability. There isn't a day I pick him up that I regret my decision of changing schools, he is like a completely different kid. He's a little disgruntled about the winter and lack of snow, but he's been keeping busy with what small hills we have around the house on his snowboard. He too advanced to the next level in swim lessons, and really loves to just go to the Y and hang out. We're patiently waiting for his two front teeth to emerge, and we're growing his hair out just for shits and grins to see what the texture of it is really like. Alex approves of having a longer 'twirler', I'm not sure what I think about all the horn like pieces that protrude out at the end of the school day.

Jason's been busy working. . . . and that's about it.

I've decided I am not going to participate in the graduation ceremony in May. While I would love to, our life just is so damn busy right now that I really don't want to throw another deadline, or day of planning into the mix. I will patiently wait for my diploma come August.

Next week Jason and I are going on a quick get away to Mexico to watch one of our closest friends from high school get married. It was the perfect excuse for us to get away for a few days, enjoy some sun, and precooperate for the next month to come of work/school madness. Not that we needed a reason, but we're calling it our 10 year wedding anniversary gift to one another.

Til next time!

Two peas in a pod

Two peas in a pod, that's what I commonly refer to my dad and Alex. Sometimes I think grandparents were put on Earth to fill the void that parents often create when life is filled with work, school, and the everyday hussle and bussle.

I certainly know that my own Grandma very much served as that person to fill the voids in my life. I watch Alex throw his clothes on and trek through the field and down to my parents on his own and it brings back such fond memories for myself. It was only 20 some years ago I was doing the exact same thing, but trekking up the hill. Alex could spend endless days with my dad whether it is purpose-filled with wood cutting, getting minnows, fishing, hunting, creating burn piles, or just sitting down to have a sandwich, and look through old photos.

Alex often asks me questions after he spends the day with my dad, like "did you get to do all kinds of fun stuff with Papa when you were little?" Which is funny, I'm honest and tell him that we didn't spend a whole lot of time together. Dad was still working, and when he was around his hobbies didn't exactly match mine. But I tell Alex that it doesn't matter, all that matters is that he gets to spend quality time with my dad.

When I was younger I'd hear people say "she spends too much time with her Grandma, or Ruth always has that kid". What they don't know is that I appreciated every damn day I got to spend with her, and my parents are probably just as grateful. We'd play cards, look at old photo albums, the same photos Alex and my dad look at because ironically they used to be stored in my maternal grandparents house even though they were my dad's photos.

This photo is Alex's dresser, and on it Alex has compiled lots of nick nacks that my dad has put together for him, meaningful gifts, along with a photo dad took of him while fishing last summer. All that kid talks about is how he can't wait til next summer when him and Papa can go fishing on Lake Abago every day.

I reflect on this often, especially since my grandma passed away. I see myself so much in Alex when he spends a day with my dad, the things he talks about, and just the overall admiration for someone. I certainly won't hesitate to send him to tag along with Papa, life is too short to worry about overstepping your boundaries because some day you'll wish you had just one more day to spend with that person!

To walk, or not walk-that is the question?

I received some somewhat disheartening news this week, I had hoped to finish up with school by the 4th of July. However, a capstone course I'm required to take is not offered until the end of summer. I had hoped to sneak in the course in the Spring when it was offered in Fond du Lac; unfortunately I will be completing the final course required to take the capstone course simultaneously-so they will not let me take the course as I had hoped. In the big picture another month of classes really is nothing to write home about.

I've been asked by many if I plan on participating in the graduating ceremony, and up until recently I hadn't really considered it. Marian now only offers one ceremony, but they will allow students who have up to 6 credits to finish, to walk in the May ceremony. My reasoning for not participating would be, what's the point of dragging my kids to see me walk, only to watch me continue taking classes through the summer? Seems somewhat pointless to them, and for me anti-climactic.

But then I think back to an email I received from my math prof while I was going to Moraine Park Technical College, she took the time out of her day to send me an email telling me that she'd hoped I would participate in the graduation ceremony, and take some time to reflect on what I've accomplished. At the time I was in her class, I entered her class literally 1 week post-childbirth in an effort to finish my associates degree. When I completed her class, she sent me this email and it's stuck in my mind. I didn't participate in the ceremony, I figured why throw one more event into the schedule, one more day to find a sitter, etc.

I'm starting to think maybe I should, after all this is my accomplishment and one of the few things in life I can call my very own. Those of you who obtained degrees long after high school, what is your feedback? Did you walk, if not-do you wish you would have? Is it all just ceremonial?