I recently accepted a job offer, I'm set to begin this new journey March 13th. This marks the end of an era for me: moving back into the working world after a 2 year hiatus. The hiatus was part desire and part necessity: I wanted to spend more time with my kids, so it seemed like a natural break that would also allow me to work towards my degree fulltime. Knowing my class load would lighten right about now, I have been scanning jobs and weighing my options for the past couple of months. Little did I know that within a matter of weeks, and a few jobs that interested me, would I have been offered a position.
I will precursor this, my new job will offer work with financial compensation which will be a new concept to me. The past few years I have worked the hardest job of my career in being a stay at home mom, measured not in salary or benefits; but in the smiles, hugs, cuddles, fights, tears, and growth of my children and myself. Most nights you're faced with the sober 'review' of was today a good day, or a bad day from a parenting aspect. What is considered 'good' is largely an individual expectation. Was it that the laundry was done, the house was spotless, and every tumultuous child rearing experience was handled with grace and beauty? Maybe in the perfect world, I guess my life is more reality. The house has never been spotless: my windows are filthy, my bathroom showers are more than desired, my laundry gets done when I have time, and some altercations between my children and I have been nothing close to grace or beauty. My days are measured more in the balance of harmony I can find in my house between my kids, myself, my homework, the normal life errands, etc. And some days I fail miserably; however, I get up the next day knowing it's a new start and the to-do list will still be there. It's time management and multitasking at its best, financial accounting and budgeting 'for dummies', and psychology no professional could ever fathom. Nothing a college education could ever teach you. . . .
I'm ready for this next exciting step in my life, a chance to utilize my education and past skills. The ability to provide for myself, and my family again. Of all the challenges, I think this has been my toughest. Every purchase is scrutinized and I feel this awful guilt when I look at things that are purely entertainment or unnecessary. Like a camera lens I purchased a few years back before Christmas, I felt so guilty over how much it cost that I returned it. Jason has never made me feel this way, it's just inbred in me I think. Prior to having kids I've always had a job, and a sense of pride in my ability to support myself physically, mentally, and financially. Staying at home certainly lays all of this out on the table, I'm thankful Jason has been a tremendous support in so many ways.
I am so grateful for the time I've had with my children, it has taught me so much about them, myself, and it has helped me to appreciate others around me, past and present. I often think to myself, how in the hell was my grandma so patient?! Or, now I know why my mom waited eight years to have me after my sister. I've faced criticism for my parenting skills, for wanting to obtain my education while my kids are little, and who knows what else. While it's been the hardest two years of my life, I can easily say it has been the best.
The time is right for all of us, Alex literally cheered when he found out he gets to go to afterschool. Laura is so ready for school every day neither of us can stand it, lol. And Ainslee enjoys going to the lady who will be babysitting her. It's not as if I'm sitting at home watching a cooing baby smile back at me anymore, we're all ready for a little more independence and a new normal.
Here's to our new 'normal', whatever that might be!
