define: Facebook relationship status "It's Complicated"

Look closely, above you'll find our Little People Nativity scene. My mom gave it to the kids a few years ago, and they enjoy bringing it out and playing with it around the Christmas season. This is not a look, don't touch nativity scene, the kids are welcome to freely interact with it. They take turns setting the scene up however they see fit, all the kids as babies would walk off with a piece here or there, but they always found their way back to the table. That is until this year, from time to time the scene will get pulled down even when the snow isn't flying-so when I couldn't find Joseph a month or so ago I just brushed it off and said it must be in one of the other toy boxes. No such luck, so I reluctantly set up the set for the first time a few weeks ago hoping the kids wouldn't notice. You know, cause "what's the big deal if Joseph isn't in the set?" I'm not overly religious, but even I know the nativity scene without Joseph isn't exactly teaching the kids a 'lesson in Christ'. I need to contact Fisher Price and see if they sell the characters ala carte, and hopefully put Joseph back where he belongs.

In the meantime, just this past week Laura was looking at the set and said "mom where's Jesus' dad?" I couldn't help but laugh to myself and tell her "it's complicated".

Russ, we checked every bulb, didn't we?

Clark, ahem, I mean Jason enthusiastically hung some Christmas lights a few weeks ago for the kids enjoyment.

That sounds nice, but this is how the story really went: while Jason was out hunting in Nebraska, Teri took a trip to Menard's and bought 300 feet worth of Christmas lights, along with over 300 clips, and LOTS of extension cords. Took a picture of all of it with my cell phone, and sent Jason a text with the photo along with a small token of my heart: "paybacks a bitch".

Now before some of you go getting the idea, man she is cruel-Jason rented a lift for the weekend to hang all of these lights. And we had discussed lighting before he left, I subtly asked "about how many feet would we need worth of lights", so Jason knew it was only a matter of time. The look on the kids faces when they saw the house light up made all the banter worth it;).

A Grandmother's eulogy through my eyes

The time has finally come for my Grandma to find some peace, as she found eternal rest on Tuesday, November 30th. She did so peacefully, and surrounded by family and prayer. Last night at the service, I shared some of my own thoughts and remembrances of Grandma:

In the past few weeks I’ve had some time to reflect on my grandmother’s life, my life, and how the two intertwine. For so many years I wondered why Granny sat around documenting, scrapbooking, and studying family trees. So please if you do anything tonight, take some time to look over the photos and books she left as a legacy, this was her quiet expression of who she was. As her life comes to a close here on Earth, I’m so thankful for those beautiful, heartfelt words she expressed on paper about her childhood, schooling, marriage, her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, employment, retirement, and the death of loved ones. The photos she kept, the books, logs of important dates in her life-cards gifted to her through the years that were sentimental, or gave her a good laugh.

She was an amazing woman, not just to me-but to so many people. An unwavering mother, patient grandmother, a quiet woman who kept most thoughts to herself, but reflected her feelings more in actions-such as doing a load of laundry, folding countless piles of clothes, baking or cooking for someone, always a willing babysitter to grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She truly was a woman of infinite wisdom. She always put things into perspective due to her life experiences; unfortunately perspective doesn’t make a whole lot of sense until you’re a grown adult. You know that, “I guess my parents/grandparents did know what they were talking about after all” moment. I was so fortunate to spend a large part of my childhood with both Grandma and Grandpa; some might say too much time. Granny would sit for hours coloring, playing cards, watching tv, really “playing” with me. I was blessed for every moment with her.

It doesn’t matter how old or young, sick or healthy, the pain of a loss of life this important is not to be dismissed. She knew the values of family and faith she instilled in all of us would help to bear this burden. This past weekend she left us with some brief moments of lucidity, speaking in sentences-something she hadn’t done in years. The few words she said, reassured all of us that she knew the journey that lay ahead, and she was fully prepared. Grandma gave us a gift in both life and death; on the day of her death she was granted the serenity of leaving this world peacefully, with family nearby. Teaching us that while death is difficult for those on Earth to understand, faith will get you through, and it’s just another milestone in “life” for those passing onto Heaven. In a few short moments I witnessed tears, comfort, family unity, and prayer; faith happens in people and places when you least expect it and Grandma helped us to see that in those last few moments.

Manpleaser

Now before you go getting too excited, this isn’t a sexual innuendo. Every year about this time I take a dive into the single parenting lifestyle, while Jason heads out west on a hunting trip for a week. I also get to hear women around me make note that their husband, significant other, etc. are deep in the throes of the Wisconsin early whitetail archery hunting season, quickly approaching opening gun hunting weekend. Men flock to the woods to find their solace, note deer patterns, or simply just get lucky on the buck of a lifetime.

Most know my upbringing, if not-I’ll fast forward you: my father is an avid hunter, when I was growing up if he wasn’t working, he was hunting or fishing. When he wasn’t doing that, he was drinking. It was a pattern my mom knew all too well, I watched as my father did whatever the hell he wanted-whenever he wanted. I can attribute my feelings on hunting, or anything extra-curricular for that matter, to this scenario in my life. Please note, this is my opinion-ahem, this is my blog-so while you can respect it, you don’t necessarily have to agree with it.

I have to laugh when I hear women jumping through hula hoops during this time of the year. Johnny has basketball, Sarah has piano, but Dan has to go hunting, so I need to get the kids taken care of. Has being the key word here. You have to sleep for your brain to function correctly, you have to drink water and take in nourishment to survive-you don’t have to go deer hunting, or for a beer, or fill in the blank. How about, if it works in everyone’s schedule, then Dan is heading out hunting; sound a little more respectful?

But Dan works all day, and I just stay home; he deserves some time to himself. After all he is the one financially supporting the family, it’s the least we can do for him. Or, while the kids are young it’s not really a big deal if he sits around drinking after work most days of the week-as long as he’s around later in life, right? Or this is my favorite; I don’t want to be that nagging wife, I wanna be the woman all the other guys wished was their wife. I could go on and on and on with the scenarios, but you get the point.

You’ll probably be shocked to find out that Jason actually coined the term “manpleaser”, he defines it as a woman who will do anything to keep her man happy, they tend to live this fantasy life where they give the façade that everything is wonderful-when in reality, they’re lives are just as effed up as the next woman, they just haven’t apparently come to terms with it.

A few short years ago I was working fulltime, while Jason was pursuing his dream of his own construction business. It didn’t cross my mind that him allowing me to do something was “the least he could do”. I’m guessing that assumption doesn’t quite cross the gender lines that easily. And that beer so desperately needed after work in the single life was cool, but after kids-it just doesn’t make any sense for little kids to sit at home and wait/expect a parent to come home, and then be met by the “dad wasn’t home to kiss you goodnight cause he had to stay late for a beer w/ the guys”.

Kids are only young once, and the things you might think they don’t notice-they will. When they’re teenagers consumed by sports, extra-curriculars, and life in general that parents probably won’t be cool enough to be a part of-then by all means, hit that wooded path, or crack open that beer. I wondered if Jason had estrogen flowing through his veins one night when he said “I’m glad my rope is tight, because I’d feel pretty damn guilty if it weren’t.” No, he wasn’t born that way-how do you think he coined the term? Just another example of how our life experiences shape the people we become. That’s not to say Jason never gets to go hunting or drinking-ask him, he’s given his options: which typically come in the form of “pick a night”. Um, here we have two people, both going to school, one working fulltime, one five year old currently going through behavioral issues due to me starting to stay home with the two other girls, one enlightening little three year old who is constantly climbing that ladder to top her brother, and poke and prod her little sister, and a one year old finding her personality to fit into all of “this”-that doesn’t even include the weekly schedule! Because of these 51 weeks out of the year you will find me laughing at the thought that deer hunting is even remotely close to the top of our priority list.

My new FB status: so starts my week long stint of being a manpleaser.

Writing a paper is like riding a bike

Ok, not really, but for me it kind of is. This probably comes as a surprise to some, but English has always been a stronger subject for me. Call me a nerd, but I've officially completed my first week of classes and I think I'm going to make it. It's been just short of a year since my last higher education course, and I've truly missed it. There's something about the challenge of writing a good paper that totally brings me to the table. Jason wonders how I can knock out a five plus page paper within an hour, with background noise and pull an A grade. Um, I'm a woman, also known as professional multitasker.

I was anxious to see how the time management factor would play out for us. Even though I'm home all day with the girls, I don't even attempt homework during this time frame unless it's reading during naptime. Jason works full time, and also attends school part-time; and he struggles with school more so than me, so when he works on it-it's the only thing he does, ahem, he's a man. I've seemed to find a happy medium between attending classes, and doing homework as well as managing life. The inner geek in me is embracing the ability to write papers again.

The older I get, the more I mirror my elders. . . .

So I've been "home" with the girls a whole whopping 1 1/2 weeks, and things are going great. I feel a lot less anxious this time around w/ the whole sahm thing-before, I just felt like I wasn't ready and could fully appreciate all that is involved in being home throughout the day. In just one week, I feel as if I see my mom and grandma in myself as I become a little more domestic-these are a few of the "things" reflecting on me:

I officially have dishwater, dry as hell hands-don't get me wrong, I apply calming cream at every opportunity, but the constant wipe down of the counters, contact w/ laundry detergent, and bleach is taking its toll.

Um, my kitchen drawers and cabinets are spotless, they no longer have that "lived in" feeling of a few crumbs or some miscellaneous object floating among the silverware, or bowls. My mom even commented on it the other day when she reached into my drawer-"Pete, you must have too much time on your hands".

Those closets I've been putting off organizing for the last 3 years are finally getting tended to, day by day I move from one to another. Items are purged, organized, donated, etc.

I've been hanging clothes on the line-I've always enjoyed doing this w/ my bedding, but rarely would I take the time to hang a full load out to dry. Maybe it's my frugal, or more so cheap dad inside me trying to save a buck on energy-but whatever it is, I feel pretty ambitious in terms of laundry.

Most days I'm pretty much up and at em', not sitting in my pj's all day; but there are occasional days where my bra doesn't go on til noon or so. Yeah, you read that right-it makes me giggle, I used to stop by my grandma and the first thing she'd say was "just a minute, I haven't even put my bra on". It's not such a bad thing:).

I have this incessant need to bake, which I'm not really a baker-but I do enjoy making things that the kids can help with. And for the fun of it, today I froze 10 lbs of ground sirloin, 2.5 lbs of ground turkey, and 10 baked chicken breasts.

But lastly, I have had the opportunity to just sit in the chair and rock Ainslee, and I've been able to take my time and read a few books to Laura, draw a picture, or paint her nails, or whatever it might be. I see Alex onto the bus in the a.m. and back off after school-and all of those things are reminders of what this very house was to me when I was a child. I would frequently get off the bus at Grandma's, she was so patient and would really "play" with me, and we would just sit for hours in the old green upholstered recliner rocking. I remember those times so fondly, I hope my children will too.

My house will never be spotless whether I'm home all day or not, it will always have some level of "mess" in it. I don't know if age has made me a little more patient to the thought that "there's always tomorrow" as far as cleaning goes, and I'm happy just working on small projects daily-rather than tackle the whole house.

I'm pleasantly surprised with how well the transition is going into the sah world. I think this time around I'm a little more prepared, we've recently become members of the Y which will provide us with some "outside" entertainment and social life. The kids are all participating in classes, and I'm hoping to get back into a workout routine. We'll also be visiting the library, and Laura is attending a 3k class, one day a week. I'm really excited just to be "available" to all of this.

Classes start Nov 1st for me, I'm a little dampened by the courses-an Art201 and Eng230 course. One a liberal art I'm required to take-and the other is a pre-req to many of the other courses. My Eng credits from UW-L were over 10 years old and couldn't transfer-bummer. I think they'll be good "warm-ups" back into the school life for me.

Life is good.

In parenting, the days are long and the years are short

I just read this comment on one of my Facebook friend's wall, and the words cut me like a knife. After much consideration and weighing my options, I've recently decided to stop working part-time and stay home with the kids. And I'm finally going to seriously pursue my bachelors degree fulltime. I'm sure many are thinking How's she going to manage college if they can't afford daycare, or she wants to spend time with her kids? Enter the beauty of an accelerated-evening curriculum, oh and student loans. I'll be the first to admit that 31 isn't the ideal time in one's life to pursue a degree, but then again-most things that happen in life aren't "ideal".

With the help of my associates degree, it should take me about 2 years to complete my degree-2 years, that's it. Ainslee will be 3, will be entering the public pre-k program within a year, and will make up the bulk of our daycare expenses. Alex will be 7 and Laura 5. . . . that thought is so daunting to me, almost all of my kids will be in school by then. It's daunting, but that is the very reason I decided to stop working-that and the thought of paying others to watch my children while we break even w/ daycare costs wasn't an option for us.

So if all goes as planned, just about the time Ainslee's hoping on that bus, and I'm strolling back up the driveway on the verge of a mental breakdown, I'll hopefully be landing myself a "real" job-with hopes of paying off that student loan by the time they all graduate from high school!

In all seriousness, time goes by too fast-I want to enjoy my kids while they are young. I also want to pursue my own career/education goals, so when they are all off to school I can enter the wide wide work world w/ a degree, because not many places are hiring w/ much less. Now seems like the right time for me to have the best of both worlds-godspeed to us!

Laura ism's, the good, bad, and the ugly

You know how some parents dub the "terrible twos" as a very colorful time for most kids? I'm finding that 3 is giving me a little more run for my money.

To give you a little insight, last week we were over at my parent's house so the kids could ride bike on a nice blacktop driveway. Alex decided he wanted to rake up some leaves into a really big pile and tidy up the yard a bit, well Laura decided to go over and aggravate Alex by attempting to jump in the leaf pile. Words ensued, and from around the corner of the garage all I heard was "I gunna kick your ass Alex". I quickly intercepted, and promptly had her put her bike away. She showed little remorse, as a matter of fact, she grinned at me as she pushed her bike past me. Most parents would be enraged but 1) I know her saying that is a result of my own failure of censoring her from that phrase and 2) that smile lead me to believe that it was all worth it. She's weighing her options these days, some things are worth losing rewards over-and others aren't.

She frequently tells me "she's not gunna be my priend", or just the opposite when she's feeling good: "I like you mommy", I'll respond telling her I love her, and she comes back still w/ the "I like you". Laura's personality reflects much of a "middle child" persona, which means she tests the boundaries-she doesn't accept all the answers given to her, and she's very good at entertaining herself, patiently I might add. She's an attention seeker when it comes to her sister, and an aggravator when it comes to her brother. She is Laura.

This was a perfect lesson in that the terrible 2, 3, and 4's are only what you make them; I'm guessing if I watched my tongue a little more often, mine might not be so difficult!

Innocence

Tonight when Alex and I were laying in his bed during our nightly routine, Alex asked me "mom, do you ever scream"? I looked at him really puzzled, what do you mean-do I yell? He then proceeded to tell me how sometimes the girls in his class go into the pirate ship, and scream so loud that it hurts his and his friend Dakota's ears. I asked why they were screaming, and Alex said in a "duh mom" tone, because we were chasing them! I just smiled thinking about how innocent his days are. . .

On that note, Alex has been doing great in school. His teacher enforces a chip discipline plan, where they are given so many chips-and if they lose all of them, they lose recess. Obviously the goal: to not lose any chips! Alex has kept his chips all but a few days. I'm so proud of how well he's transitioned, it's a lot to take in-long days, less sleep, along w/ all the environmental and social stuff that goes along w/ school. I'm also happy to report that so far we haven't had any bully issues either.

What's new w/ Laura? Laura is adjusting to the 3 year old room as well, I'm happy to report that there are no more tearful goodbye's, she's passed that torch onto Ainslee. Ah, you gotta love "phases". Laura amazes me every day w/ the things she can do on her own, she's very independent which I attribute to her being the middle child. She's thrown into having to do a lot of things for her self, or to entertain herself-and she excels at this. She knows when to ask for help (most of the time), and her big brother is pretty good at taking care of his sisters. She's lost a little of her sass, she's becoming more patient, comprehending, and her communication skills are getting better by the day-so we don't have quite as many melt downs. I still get the occassional "Pine then (also known as Fine then), I not gonna be your priend", but these moments are much shorter lived than they used to be-and she responds to discipline and rewards. . . She's turning into a big girl. A goal I'm setting for her is to learn how to zip her jacket this winter.

Ainslee, well lets say this little girl has a temper on her. She throws a fit w/ the best of them-equipped w/ a slow motion move to her knees, dives flat out on the floor and just lays there. Every once in a while she throws in a really good pouty lip. I think she's figured out that she's the youngest, the baby, and that mom tends to spoil her-cause if I raise my voice to her, she really gives me the ol' guilt trip. Ains is even more independent than Laura, she does not like others to crowd her space, she shares-yet she knows when she doesn't have to and fights for what she has. While she has a temper, she's pretty even keeled for the most part and is a pretty happy-go lucky kind of girl.

That would be this weeks update!

Define Teamwork:

Um, you know how I referred to how well our family works together as a team-last night would have been the perfect example. Let me precursor this by saying that due to Alex starting school, new bugs and germs have found their way into our household. Last week already Alex had his first bout w/ the flu, which he so graciously passed along to Laura.

Define teamwork: Alex and I are sitting at the dining room table working on a puzzle, when Laura approaches us clearly looking ill and very feverish (she was on the couch w/ her dad), she props her head in my lap and proceeds to vomit. The motherly instinct in me cups my hands, and tries to contain the vomit within my hands and lap (meanwhile self-coaching myself not to gag-Jason is the vomit cleaner-upper in our family) as I'm yelling for Jason to get a bucket. Alex, the clean freak watches on in horror; meanwhile Ainslee comes walking around the corner curious to all the commotion-heading straight for the vomit. Quickly, I tell Alex to grab her (which I typically don't let him carry her around-but I was desperate!) and take her into the living room and entertain her. Shortly thereafter, Jason shows up w/ the bucket. . . It was if we had practiced that ensemble our whole lives. . . . I'm still laughing about it today.

Losing My Baby: Part II

Ha ha, thought it was a fitting title for my oldest "baby" as he starts Kindergarten. He had a warm-up run w/ bussing during summer school, which I think helped make that part of the day a piece of cake. He waited for the bus driver to give him the wave, crossed the road, and on the bus he went, into the first seat-and went right to the window to wave. I watched the bus pull away, and a tear rolled down my face as I walked back up to the house. I never thought I'd feel like that-that I was "stronger" than that. But it is so hard to fathom that your first baby in on that bus, and gone for the entire day-learning, playing, and growing. Somehow it was different working fulltime, or leaving the girls in daycare for the day-but to know he's gone because he has to be, just makes that realization set in.

What is the hardest for me to grasp, is that he's out in this wide, wide world, without his strongest supporter protecting him: me. School leaves way for all these great opportunities; however, it also leads way to mean kids, bullies, older kids setting poor examples, less supervision than say the hawk who has watched over him for 5 years and can literally tell you what he's doing, w/ out even seeing him. It is impossible to convey to a 5 year old, let alone a teenager-that all the bullshit they will endure during K-12 grade really doesn't matter when they walk out those high school doors w/ their dipoloma.

Alex has already experienced first hand some issues w/ one particular mean kid, I know a lot of this behavior is typical 5-6 year old boy behaviors; but I also know that some of it is not. I know Alex is not being singled out in this instance, but he has had continuing issues w/ this little boy since last year. My heart dropped a little when I saw this little boy at orientation night and saw that he was indeed in the same class as Alex. It was at that moment I realized I couldn't protect him from everything anymore, the child in me wanted to go to the principal and tell them to give my child another class, teacher, etc. but I can't possibly put him in a bubble as soon as Kindergarten:).

Instead, I gave his teacher, as well as the daycare director a heads up to the previous issues we have had w/ this particular boy. Last year when instances would occur w/ this child, I would try to just accept that this little boy had some attention/behavior issues and try to make Alex understand this. This year I'm not as sympathetic. In the few days before school started Alex was not excited about school, finally when I asked him if anything was bothering him-he specifically mentioned that he didn't want to be in said boy's class because he's mean and naughty. Alex does realize this little boy is "different", which I hate to put a label on someone else's child; however, I don't think that Alex should have to take the brunt for this boys issues-it is only fair that every child be given the opportunity to learn w/ out outside forces contributing negatively to each respective student. I feel for this child, but Alex is my sole concern-that is the selfish part of parenthood, that need of only wanting your children to experience the best life possible.

I can't bubble him up, but I can set him up for the best school experience as possible: a chance. That is why I brought the issues to the adult's attention who are part of his academic life, I also tell Alex on a regular basis to just be Alex, and let the adults around him take care of the other kids who are having problems. If the teacher's aren't handling the issues, bring them to my attention. I'm not dumb, I know Alex has his own naughty moments, and I also know that he's a bit of a tattler (he has two younger sisters, what do you expect). Communication w/ those who are key in Alex's school experience will have to be my bubble, as I know these types of issues will only get worse w/ age.

On the lighter side of things, my tears have dried and I've had to move on w/ my reality. School has a way of putting life back into order: Laura wakes up in time to see Alex on the bus, she eats, and gets ready; Ainslee wakes, eats and gets ready; and gasp-I even have time to clean the house a bit and get dinner started! Off to daycare and work we go, after work-pick girls up, pick Alex up from afterschool, and home for the night. Crazy, yet peaceful. . . the story of our lives!

Losing My Baby!

The inevitable day has come, today we celebrated Ainslee's 1st birthday. It was bittersweet because along w/ it comes the realization that my last baby, isn't going to be a baby for much longer. Jason jokes that I'm getting baby fever, and will be ordering a vasectomy reversal within months; but I assured him that I was simply nostalgic-not crazy! Ainslee crawled and walked shortly thereafter, I was in no hurry to see her do so. She recently transitioned into the one year old room at daycare which means she's no longer napping in a crib, but on a sleeping bag-on the floor. And finally, last week they inquired when I'd be weaning the bottle. It was as if someone slammed a door in my face, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind-and maybe it's because we're busy, or Ainslee is a little girl so I rely on her bottle for added nutrition, but honestly it was because I'm in denial. My defense, Laura didn't give up a bottle until she was 15 months. . . . While that doesn't do much for the daycare ladies it makes me feel better.

Last week I sent Alex out to Colorado on an impromptu trip to visit my sister and her family. Timing couldn't have been more perfect, he's starting K in a few weeks so he's reveling in the last of his summer, his sitter schedule is non-existent due to my last post, and he has been asking when we're going out there to visit. I don't anticipate time off from work anytime soon-and my mom was more than happy to take him along, so what the hell! He's enjoying himself, but I miss him so. He flies back on Wednesday with my niece, so I'll be anxious to pick him up.

With Alex's absence, Laura has been loving her added attention. Seriously, she's like a totally different kid-while I know she loves Alex, and enjoys his company, she has not asked about him once! I see more of a sisterly dynamic between her and Ainslee w/ Alex gone, where she's realizing that Ainslee too will be a playmate in a very short time, and that is nice.

Ainslee celebrated with family and friends today, complete with a smash cake which she enjoyed every last bite. While the realization she is my last baby is sad, it's kind of relieving as well-I don't think our lives could get any crazier than it is w/ regards to being pulled a millions ways between family, school, and work. Our family is perfect the way it is, some days are crazy and I wish we had more time to give each one of them or to each other as a couple, but when we all work together-everybody wins regardless. We are so blessed to be in this life together.

Parenting 101

"Parents want to leap-frog over the parenting job and get right to the grandparenting," she said. "Everyone wants to have fun with their kids and everyone wants to be popular with their kids like Grandma is. But the reality is: Someone has to be the bad guy or the kid never learns." This was in an article on CNN regarding ADHD, how some parents are quick to put blame on some kind of medical issue vs. take responsibility w/ children's poor behavior.

My post is not about ADHD, but moreso the comment above-what I would give to have had this quote in my power about a week ago. Late last week we found out that Alex's childcare provider went to the local little league tournament and blasted our family name: accusing us of turning her into the state (which we didn't do), informing a 3rd party that we receive childcare assistance-and used the words "why are they on assistance anyways, she drives a Yukon w/ leather", and lastly she referred to Alex as being sneaky, so she wondered what kind of parents we were-because naturally if a 5 year old is sneaky it must be because they are treated poorly at home, right?

There were other unfortunate things mentioned, but these 3 are the most bothersome to me and we will be following up with necessary actions. But here's the kicker, she said all of these things to one of my own sisters. So you wonder, wow-that took some guts, why would she say something knowing full well it would get back to me, specifically things of that magnitude, or better yet, why did my sister wait a few days to mention anything to me (meanwhile I continue to take Alex not having any idea said daycare provider slandered us at the local community event the weekend before to multiple people).

This same sister, one who has largely been absent from our lives the past year and half due to her own medical "issues" had the guts to question Jason and I's ability to care for our children. You could say the daycare provider played her like a fiddle, she got the information she needed-and then stuck a bug in my sister's ear, questioning us as parents.

Since Alex was young, a few of my sister's have coddled him-and almost done things in spite of Jason and I's wishes, things like give him junk food before eating dinner, or tell him not to worry about cleaning up after himself, they'd secretly sneak him junk food, and cover up after him. They'd do these things right in front of us, even after we asked them specifically not to. Everyone is entitled to their own parenting style, and structure would best define ours. We are both working parents, while eating junk food doesn't seem like a big deal-give a kid some sugar before meal and bedtime so they don't eat well, and then doesn't want to go to bed then tell me how easy it is to get up at a decent time the next day and move onto the daily routine? Because of this, Jason did not want the kids by them-and I agreed.

Some might even consider us strict, but the things I was accused of-or you might say informed of made me feel as if I abuse my own children. Sadly one of my nieces or nephews made the comment that I was probably standing behind the camera w/ a bat in my hand while Alex sang Rocky Mountain High. One has stated that she doesn't want to be around me because I'm mean. These comments coming from children who were basically given everything their entire lives-never once did they have to follow a schedule, never once was a piece of candy or a trip to someplace fun turned down, never once have they had to take responsibility for anything, anyone, or their actions-their parents have always picked up the pieces or enabled them. An example would be for a senior in high school whose pulling a D in most classes, has the gall to bitch about the cell phone her broke parents just bought for her, along w/ the plan they pay for. My response, if my kids got those kind of grades they wouldn't even have a cell phone-this would be the niece who thinks I'm "mean".

I'm not one to get into a "pissing match", but I'll also mention that never once did the parents of these kids accentuate that people are different-such as, I'm quiet, reserved, don't say much-never have. Much different than a sister who has to make herself known to the room when she walks in, and nobody knows if they're going to get a sober or self-medicated version of someone. Just because somebody is different, doesn't have to be reflected in a negative light.

We have and will all make mistakes as parents, whether it's by spanking them too hard, grabbing their arm a little too tightly, or slapping their mouth. We all want to be perfect and we all fall short; our kids love us and we love them. The rest is no one elses business. That paired w/ my mom telling me that "you are a good mother, don't let anyone tell you different. Everyone does the best they can w/ what they are given" are the things I keep telling myself in light of this "dramatic" week or so. Jason and I aren't those parents trying to be "grandparents", we're not our kids "friends". We are here to care, protect, and direct them into the best life possible. If that means minimal junk food, not buying pointless toys, and telling them to pick up after themselves-so be it.

I seriously question where I fit in this family, my sister said that being honest is a big part of her recovery process-and she'd only say these things if something good could come out of it. I'm questioning where the good is, right now I'm hardened to the fact that some people just get off on causing other people pain, and drama in their lives cause they're jealous or have nothing better to do. We are all living this dramatic life as a result of the poor choices she's made the past decade, she can deal w/ her own demons-and everything that comes along with a recovering addict. I refuse to make myself or my family do the same thing.

I'm pretty confident in my parenting skills, for a second I doubted myself and wondered-wow, am I really this awful person she's making me out to be? And then last night before I went to bed I asked Alex about his day (thanks for the reminder Lindsey), and asked if I've been a good mom lately. He looked at me really puzzled and then said "mom, you're always a good mom". That ends this chapter in my life-and yours for that matter:).

Summer Fun

Wow, it's closely approaching the end of July, where did the summer go? This past week we had Jason's family's cabin reserved we'd like for it to become one of our "traditions". Weather was absolutely gorgeous almost every day, and the one day that it wasn't left way for some needed maintenance, cleaning, and organizing. Family and friends came and went throughout the week, so our time went fast.

It was a noteable week: I turned 31, Laura turned 3, and Ainslee officially became a walker! That coupled with 3 kids who all came down w/ a 2-3 day viral "thing" marked w/ high temp and sores in the mouth, and I, myself ended up w/ a UTI, so while the urgent care wasn't where I wanted to ring in my birthday-life happens. Regardless of the sickness, we rode the waves and all enjoyed ourselves. Laura went go-carting, miniature golfing, out for supper, and then ice cream w/ Jason, me, my nieces, and their friend Amanda-she was all by herself, and I don't think we could have given her a better birthday present then our full attention.

Alex tubed behind Grandpa Russ' fishing boat for the first time, and also jumped off the pier and officially swam for the first time. We wrapped the weekend up w/a little fishing and a pontoon ride w/ Jason parents. All good things come to an end, and I think we were all ready to get back to a sense of normalcy. So it was only fitting that it was raining when we all woke up on Sunday which gave us some incentive to head home. We are so fortunate to have such a wonderful cabin, or second home to utilize throughout the year. Our kids thoroughly enjoy it, and the photos captured create beautiful memories.

Summer Fun

Almost 3

Wow, I haven't updated since Alex's birthday-and it's amazing how much can change in less than two months. First, hard to believe that Laura is going to be turning 3 in less than a month-she's grown from a toddler to a little girl before our very eyes.

Laura is a spitfire, she will be giving us a run for our money in her teenage years, I can already see it. Her personality, zest for life, and want to be older and continually accomplish what her brother can do make my heart ache-in a good way. She's growing so much quicker it seems than Alex at that age. . . She is moving into the 3 year old class at daycare, and she really enjoys having her own "school" to go to w/ her sister. Laura has the most infectious smile, she doesn't give them up easily so you know when you get a good one you can't help but smile yourself. She's bold, sassy, and my little girl-time needs to stand still a bit longer so she can remain that way:).

Since my last post it may come as a shock to some, and not others that Jason has decided to dissolve his construction business and start working for his family's sand mining business. He's continuing towards his bachelor's degree as well. He's settled into his new job fairly well other than sleep adjustments, those ailments are minor compared to the stress his own business put on himself, our relationship and our family. Our life is like night and day now, and for the better-for many years I was often at the end of my rope and felt his business wasn't worth the stress it caused but I kept telling myself someday things will get better. Did I honestly believe that, no; but now that I'm here I feel like our persistence paid off and we can move onto happier days.

I don't see many responses here-so I'm not sure many people are reading or not. W/ the buzz of facebook I feel like I've lost touch w/ my blog. Til next time.

Almost 5!

It is unbelievable that Alex is turning 5 in less than a week, I ask myself where the time has gone. . . .

He's grown so much physically, mentally, academically, and socially this past year with the new adaptation of 4k, and the before/after school program. I didn't anticipate problems, but I don't think I could ever believe how interested Alex would be in school, writing words other than his name, learning numbers, and sharing his day with me.

I love hearing his progress from his teacher, he continually excels in almost all aspects of school-I hope that enthusiasm continues for him, at least for a while:). He's got an exciting summer planned ahead of him already, he's going to participate in summer school and little league. I had opted for an assistant coach position, but apparently there is a shortage of coaches so they backed me into a corner to take the position. How hard can it be, it's the Squirts League!

The sad realization has come that he's not "my little boy" anymore, he doesn't need a kiss when I leave him at school or daycare, and I probably don't even need to walk him in-but when it's night time and we're snuggling in to go to bed, he still reminds me of the little toddler in him that would run around w/ his blank and blue pup and tell me that he loves me, and need a moochie and hug. I'm going to cherish this time because I know all too well it's probably becoming limited. . .

Alex is celebrating in style this year, equipped w/ a swimming party at the Ripon Comfort Suites, and for the first time the party is going to include many of Alex's friends instead of just family. Happy Birthday Allycat James Wuest, I love you!

6 Months

Where has the time gone? My baby is turning into a bigger baby, one that can sit up by herself, is eating foods, and grabbing at one thing or another all the time. She's getting stronger every day, in body and spirit I think-I love to see personalities emerge.

Ainslee had her 6 months well check last Monday, and while it wasn't so "well" we did get some stats. She's 17 lbs, and 26 1/4" long; I'm not even sure where she falls in the percentiles-but I believe it's right around 50th for both. She's also meeting all her developmental milestones, it was so funny she couldn't sit alone last Monday-and now she's doing it, and reaching everywhere for items and balancing her weight.

She has had a hell of a first winter though, she's been plagued w/ ear infections since December-one after another. It made for many sleepless nights, and an unhappy baby most days. She was finally able to get into the ENT last Wed, and he put tubes in Thursday. They were certainly needed, it was a matter of a day and Ains was like a new girl. The doctor has said the stats are not on her side, she will probably have more sets given how she's had problems at such a young age. Now until 3 years old might be a little rough for us, but it did make me feel a little better knowing my two other kids dodged that bullet-1 out of 3 ain't bad!

The last few weeks have brought so many firsts: teeth, first full night of sleep, and now her tubes-being her first surgery. It prompted me to go buy her a baby book, cause GASP I hadn't bought one yet. I was even more heartbroken to find that Jason had tossed (on accident) the folder containing all of her hospital stuff: bracelets, pink slip w/ her name and doctor, footprints, YES, all the good stuff. Even her u/s photos. I felt like such a crappy parent knowing her book won't have in it what the other kids did. I was able to print off a scanned copy of the u/s photos, the rest I'll just have to explain to her some day.

So here's hoping for many wonderful days to come to you Ainslee, lord knows you deserve it for all the rough one's you've had in the last 3 months!

Spring, where are you?

So it's February, and our household is getting a serious itch for Spring to make its appearance early. Seems that I have been to the doctors office every week for the past two months-for one thing or another. First was Alex's finger, and then about a month and half of aftercare, then once that subsided all 3 of the kids had ear infections. I'm assuming the lovely amoxicillin didn't touch them, and 3 weeks later each one of them slowly trickled in, Ainslee first, then Laura had a sinus infection, then a lovely viral condition called astomatitis, and finally Alex went in last week. They've all tried a second round of antibiotics, so I'm hoping they work-and we're done w/ the sickies for a while. If there was one trait I didn't want to pass onto my children, it was ear infections. . . . Most of my childhood winter months were spent with monthly runs to the ENT, and usually resulted in a set of tubes for the year. I had in total probably 5-7 sets of tubes in my lifetime, the last set going in at 16 years old.

And I have to add-cause I started this 2 days ago, Ains has since been back to the ped for yet another ear infection-so as I suspected it's off to the ENT, and tubes more than likely. My ped has told me the stats aren't on our side at having 3 infections before 6 months of age-those kids typically have ear problems til they age and their estatuean tube has more of an angle. The ped said my history isn't on her side, and it appears she probably has my anatomy-guess I gave one of my kids something, huh?!

So I was going to add more to this, but due to my lack of sleep last night-I'm beat, off to bed I go. . .