Parenting 101

"Parents want to leap-frog over the parenting job and get right to the grandparenting," she said. "Everyone wants to have fun with their kids and everyone wants to be popular with their kids like Grandma is. But the reality is: Someone has to be the bad guy or the kid never learns." This was in an article on CNN regarding ADHD, how some parents are quick to put blame on some kind of medical issue vs. take responsibility w/ children's poor behavior.

My post is not about ADHD, but moreso the comment above-what I would give to have had this quote in my power about a week ago. Late last week we found out that Alex's childcare provider went to the local little league tournament and blasted our family name: accusing us of turning her into the state (which we didn't do), informing a 3rd party that we receive childcare assistance-and used the words "why are they on assistance anyways, she drives a Yukon w/ leather", and lastly she referred to Alex as being sneaky, so she wondered what kind of parents we were-because naturally if a 5 year old is sneaky it must be because they are treated poorly at home, right?

There were other unfortunate things mentioned, but these 3 are the most bothersome to me and we will be following up with necessary actions. But here's the kicker, she said all of these things to one of my own sisters. So you wonder, wow-that took some guts, why would she say something knowing full well it would get back to me, specifically things of that magnitude, or better yet, why did my sister wait a few days to mention anything to me (meanwhile I continue to take Alex not having any idea said daycare provider slandered us at the local community event the weekend before to multiple people).

This same sister, one who has largely been absent from our lives the past year and half due to her own medical "issues" had the guts to question Jason and I's ability to care for our children. You could say the daycare provider played her like a fiddle, she got the information she needed-and then stuck a bug in my sister's ear, questioning us as parents.

Since Alex was young, a few of my sister's have coddled him-and almost done things in spite of Jason and I's wishes, things like give him junk food before eating dinner, or tell him not to worry about cleaning up after himself, they'd secretly sneak him junk food, and cover up after him. They'd do these things right in front of us, even after we asked them specifically not to. Everyone is entitled to their own parenting style, and structure would best define ours. We are both working parents, while eating junk food doesn't seem like a big deal-give a kid some sugar before meal and bedtime so they don't eat well, and then doesn't want to go to bed then tell me how easy it is to get up at a decent time the next day and move onto the daily routine? Because of this, Jason did not want the kids by them-and I agreed.

Some might even consider us strict, but the things I was accused of-or you might say informed of made me feel as if I abuse my own children. Sadly one of my nieces or nephews made the comment that I was probably standing behind the camera w/ a bat in my hand while Alex sang Rocky Mountain High. One has stated that she doesn't want to be around me because I'm mean. These comments coming from children who were basically given everything their entire lives-never once did they have to follow a schedule, never once was a piece of candy or a trip to someplace fun turned down, never once have they had to take responsibility for anything, anyone, or their actions-their parents have always picked up the pieces or enabled them. An example would be for a senior in high school whose pulling a D in most classes, has the gall to bitch about the cell phone her broke parents just bought for her, along w/ the plan they pay for. My response, if my kids got those kind of grades they wouldn't even have a cell phone-this would be the niece who thinks I'm "mean".

I'm not one to get into a "pissing match", but I'll also mention that never once did the parents of these kids accentuate that people are different-such as, I'm quiet, reserved, don't say much-never have. Much different than a sister who has to make herself known to the room when she walks in, and nobody knows if they're going to get a sober or self-medicated version of someone. Just because somebody is different, doesn't have to be reflected in a negative light.

We have and will all make mistakes as parents, whether it's by spanking them too hard, grabbing their arm a little too tightly, or slapping their mouth. We all want to be perfect and we all fall short; our kids love us and we love them. The rest is no one elses business. That paired w/ my mom telling me that "you are a good mother, don't let anyone tell you different. Everyone does the best they can w/ what they are given" are the things I keep telling myself in light of this "dramatic" week or so. Jason and I aren't those parents trying to be "grandparents", we're not our kids "friends". We are here to care, protect, and direct them into the best life possible. If that means minimal junk food, not buying pointless toys, and telling them to pick up after themselves-so be it.

I seriously question where I fit in this family, my sister said that being honest is a big part of her recovery process-and she'd only say these things if something good could come out of it. I'm questioning where the good is, right now I'm hardened to the fact that some people just get off on causing other people pain, and drama in their lives cause they're jealous or have nothing better to do. We are all living this dramatic life as a result of the poor choices she's made the past decade, she can deal w/ her own demons-and everything that comes along with a recovering addict. I refuse to make myself or my family do the same thing.

I'm pretty confident in my parenting skills, for a second I doubted myself and wondered-wow, am I really this awful person she's making me out to be? And then last night before I went to bed I asked Alex about his day (thanks for the reminder Lindsey), and asked if I've been a good mom lately. He looked at me really puzzled and then said "mom, you're always a good mom". That ends this chapter in my life-and yours for that matter:).