Where has the time gone?

Yesterday I had my 32 week check-up and will go in every 2 weeks from here on out. Where has the time gone, in some respects it's dragged a little, but from about 20 weeks on things just seemed to fly.

I am feeling pretty good, measuring right on target and I've only gained 11 lbs so far.

Many people ask if I have any inclination of a boy or a girl, and honestly I don't have a clue. This baby is very active like Alex was, but I'm carrying much like I did w/ Laura. Which is hard to say cause I'm not sure if it's the way I'm carrying, or being more consciencious of weight gain w/ subsequent children. Alex kicked a lot, this baby seems to do more rolling around and lodging itself in uncomfortable positions (for me at least). And it seems like I can feel a lot more this time around, like when the kid is rolling around or bouncing off organs I'm more aware of it-and feel more discomforts.

This baby doesn't get the luxury of it's own room, or a newly decorated nursery-but since it's the 3rd time around I know it doesn't really matter. It will room with us until we determine what our sleeping situation will be. We need to finish the 3rd level (which we have all the materials), and then decide who gets the "luxury suite". The thought of us being on the 3rd and all the children on the 2nd is a little nerve wracking. And Alex isn't quite brave enough to want a room "all the way up there, by himself". Laura would make me nervous up there, she's braver than Alex-so it's hard telling what she might get herself into:). So this baby might get the king/queen treatment once we situate things.

I'm enjoying these last few weeks of being pregnant since it is our last, Jason sealed that deal 2 weeks ago w/ a vasectomy. The wiggles, kicks, and general discomforts are kind of welcoming. But I'm also looking forward to moving onto that next "stage" in life of being done w/ kids, plus I honestly don't think my body could handle another pregnancy.

On a separate note, some of you may have noticed that I decided to make my blog private. While a blog is a place to share happenings and feelings, I never really consider it to be a place for others to "keep tabs" on me in a negative light, or to be used as a conversation piece for certain family members to use only as a catalyst to make it seem as if they know everything that's going on in our lives. It's a poor excuse for a relationship, and that was never my intention so I've decided that I will control who reads what I have to publish on here. And in the past I've often withheld information or feelings because of these people, so I just decided if I can control the situation-why do that to myself?

Many have asked how life is going since Mag is gone, and honestly-it's still extremely hard. Much harder than I anticipated, and I think it's largely due to the fact that I never really got a solid chunk of time to grieve right afterwards. I was running the kids, and other "life" things in general and so it hit me in waves. Especially walking into the house and not having that face there to greet me, not having anyone to lay with on the couch after the kids went to bed, and just the general awareness of her not being around when we're outside, starting the 4-wheeler, etc. Coming home from up north this past weekend was the first trip we had made and it was especially hard, after a long, dramatic weekend I just wanted to come home and relax-but instead I was filled with the dread of coming home to an empty house, or not having to run to my parents to pick her up. I know with time this will get better, so thanks to all of you for your words, and thoughts:).