Mother/Daughter Dance

I want to precursor this post, this past weekend was not exactly what I would call ideal.  Jason had a busy week at work that involved maintenance issues, which resulted in the entire process getting pushed back.  On Friday evening Jason and Laura were supposed to go to their second Daddy/Daughter dance together at our church; however, it didn't work out that way.  Instead I took her, she was beautiful. . . With her favorite orange dress, bright blue eyes, and the excitement of having her hair up-done for the first time ever. 

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thank you for picking up the ball in these situations, where Jason has to work-I need to step in another place, and you so gracefully come in and sweep the other kids off and help us out.  When this happens you both show all of us so much love and compassion, and selflessness.

This past weekend was a bittersweet reminder of my own childhood.  My own father would often work long, non-typical hours leading way for my mom to pick up the slack.  When I was a teenager my parents decided to embark on a great investment of owning gas stations.  The circumstances weren't in their favor, and it resulted in long hours, lost time, and lost finances.  I lost a lot of time with my mom during these years; and it was during these years that my own grandmother swept in so gracefully and picked up the ball where my parents left off.  Instead of counting all of my missed opportunities, I find myself counting my blessings of having gotten to spend so much time with my grandmother growing up.  I mean really, it was the best of both worlds: being reared by the all patient (and this I didn't realize until I had my own children!) and knowing grandmother, and going home to a mom who I knew was trying her best with the situation she was given.

I’m sorry that as grown adults, your own children can’t treat you with that same respect when you sweep in and fill that void for me.  Now that you are beyond the age of retirement and finally have the time to spend with your grandchildren, you’re insulted for it.  For that I feel incredibly sorry for those individuals who can’t respect that life was what it was: you worked hard until you were 60 some years old to provide for your family with the intention that time lost with others would be made up in the future.  And while your story didn't end up the way you planned, we are all still here with the opportunity to spend that time together.

It was by the choice of others to spend that time self medicating, spiraling in their own mental instability, ironically judging everyone else around them for what they feel the right life 'should' be, and writing self-proclaimed cleansing letters that make themselves feel better while everyone around them suffers, that is what created the lovely mess we call our family.  So please don’t let others claim that it’s by your miscommunication with each other, we have landed in this circumstance.  We are all grown adults; we can listen and not form an opinion, clarify information when needed, and move on with our lives and love you for the people that you are to us, not the people that you are to each other. 

Mom, you are a beautiful person, inside and out.  You have been an amazing source of support for me throughout my life.  There isn't a day that goes by that my husband, myself and my children don’t count our blessings to have you be a part of our lives whether it’s in body or spirit. 

Dad, you are equally beautiful.  We didn't spend a lot of time together while I was growing up, but I am assured that that lost time has been made up by the value and integrity that you instill in Alex every day that you spend with him out on the lake, heading out to the woods, or harvesting in the garden.  You and I do not have similar hobbies; however, I can respect our differences and take from our relationship the things that bring us together.

I love both of you, regardless of how others may think you are doing as a parent, I think you are both wonderful and are doing the best you can, with the circumstances you have been given.  Thank you for all that you do.  

Pete

The Mother/Daughter dance was beautiful, someday Laura is going to look back on this weekend and remember the night that she had me all to herself among a bunch of dad’s and their daughters:  spinning in her lovely dress to ABBA’s Dancing Queen, and giggling alongside her girlfriends.  My hope is that she’ll look back and remember all the things that I did for her, rather than focus on the the things that I did not.